Intimacy: Good boy - FML

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Good boy

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 485

You deserved it 8 804

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Same thing different taste

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 229

You deserved it 26 162

Busted by Detective Dog

By ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 915

You deserved it 14 855

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 641

You deserved it 20 678

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 513

You deserved it 46 416

Missing

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 663

You deserved it 20 293

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 899

You deserved it 40 496

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 2 815

By Anonymous - 30/12/2018 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 397

Rushed

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Spicy

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 667

You deserved it 44 738

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 159

You deserved it 4 220

Next

Top comments

gollygoshers 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 2:31

How the hell do you LOSE a condom? Did you try to throw it out a window but it fell halfway through the process or something?

perdix 29

Thursday 19 November 2009 3:23

And the dog said, "Here, boss, here are your grandkids!"

Comments

FML_Elle 17

Tuesday 25 February 2014 8:05

I don't like how this FML was written. Is it just me or does it sound very choppy and awkward?

roxigrl14 8

Friday 8 May 2015 22:33

Do you not know the gender of your own dog?

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Keywords

Animals Scary Miscellaneous Death Work Relatable AITA Love Technology Transportation Cars Cooking Intimacy Awkward Sex Friends Underwear Cats Farts Motherhood Politics Argument Family Shopping Money Capitalism Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Health Dentist

The Top

Today, I told my parents I wanted to try modelling. I thought that since I have such a low self-esteem, that it might benefit me, and make me feel better about myself and how I look. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "What? Why? You're ugly." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 7 497

Today, and for the past month, my younger sibling has been having suicidal thoughts. This is causing our parents to put them on a pedestal and treat them like a princess. They’ve made me give them my money to get themselves treats and they don’t even get what they say they’re going to get. FML

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The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 208

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 126

You deserved it 3 640

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 2 361

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 918

You deserved it 3 324

Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 204

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 303

You deserved it 1 405