Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 461

You deserved it 7 992

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 5 659

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 184

You deserved it 4 389

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 207

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 85

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 717

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 377

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 368

You deserved it 37 991

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 247

You deserved it 7 089

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 471

You deserved it 12 274

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

smalltowngirl13 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:37

Lovely.

notsoluckypup 12

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:40

Funny but a little over the top ...

loovemylife 7

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:41

Why dont any girls have self respect these days? That's not the least bit funny, it's disgusting. Yeah maybe it would be funny had she of said it to one of her friends, but to her boyfriend? Ew. Get some class.

Mifflicious 18

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:48

If you can say it to your friend but not your boyfriend, you maybe shouldn't have one. I mean you're gonna live your whole life with that person, and can't even say THAT?! Sucks big time..

sarahmcgeee 5

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:52

everyone poops, why can guys make jokes about it but not girls? yeah it's gross, but that's awesome that she's that comfortable with herself

blacksswan 10

Sunday 11 September 2011 20:24

51, I pity the man who will end up with you or is with you.

DamnSmooth 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 20:39

Look, we all know that women poop ; and that the cuter the woman is the less disgusting the aforementioned poop actually is.

loovemylife 7

Sunday 11 September 2011 20:41

Because I didn't find it funny? Like I said, it would've been funny had she of said it to a friend, but to her boyfriend it's just nasty haha.

Pebbles89 9

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:09

#51 obviously doesn't poop, toot, burp, or **********. if you can't joke about pooping with someone who sees you naked on a daily basis, then you shouldn't be subjecting your friends to your dumb bullshit. just sayin'.

loovemylife 7

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:17

I didn't realise they lived together, clearly its a complete different matter if they do. My opinion was based on the judgement they didn't live together. Because personally, I wouldn't say anything like that to a boyfriend unless I was really comfortable with/around him.

Joey44 15

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:49

Well... personally I wouldn't even consider having a man as my boyfriend if I didn't feel "really comfortable" around him, but to each their own, I guess. Maybe you just like feeling awkward around boys :/

MD_DILF 4

Monday 12 September 2011 3:05

i totally agree, it shows a lack of self respect!

immaBlowfish827 0

Monday 12 September 2011 5:36

I believe your boyfriend should be your best friend; therefore, you should be able to share jokes like this with one another without being ridiculed.

loovemylife 7

Monday 12 September 2011 21:01

Clearly the OP wasn't too impressed with what his girlfriend said. I guess it's just your opinion, but personally I wont be telling my boyfriend every time I have a shit because it's not my kinda thing, and I think it's bad manners. But I have no problem with other 'bodily functions'. Evidently any kind of opinion you express on here will get you chewed at if people disagree, of course we're all going to have different opinions, don't go crazy at me for having mine.

usmcUSA 0

Monday 12 September 2011 21:52

That was too long!

CeruleanGirl 4

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:42

Wow, she's a peach! But you should count yourself lucky that she has some form of a sense of humor. After all, life with someone utterly humorless would be dull.