Intimacy: You gotta be kidding me

You gotta be kidding me

By KnowledgableEx - 10/11/2016 12:42 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 602

You deserved it 1 186

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Mind games

By Anonymous - 05/08/2024 10:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my ex texted me being all flirty and sexual and yet was never like that when we were together. Not long later, his new girlfriend messaged me saying, "Stop messaging my man, he doesn't want you back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 2 842

Bragging rights

By lucasbeck99 - 31/03/2015 09:35 - United States - Mabank

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 368

You deserved it 3 869

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 02:38

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 285

You deserved it 2 686

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 662

You deserved it 4 166

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 913

Haunted by you

By Tech Savvy - 20/09/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 4 996

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 00:01

Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 222

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 725

You deserved it 33 264

By xswitch74 - 16/03/2015 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 575

You deserved it 4 213

socialproduct 19

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:05

I think "go **** yourself" would be the appropriate response. Both as advice and as a general response to her inconsiderate question.

KingKralj 31

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:02

Well, did you tell her? Ya can't leave the story unfinished!

Comments

KingKralj 31

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:02

Well, did you tell her? Ya can't leave the story unfinished!

sweetsammiedee 16

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:04

Please refer to the first comment. Need more deets! I don't think I could ever be comfortable asking an ex to do that =|

socialproduct 19

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:05

I think "go **** yourself" would be the appropriate response. Both as advice and as a general response to her inconsiderate question.

bahamit 18

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:46

I think evil plotting and giving him advice to do things she hates would be a more sufficient revenge.

mfmylifesrsly 29

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:34

Since OP said she's an ex from several years ago, I wouldn't see a reason to be upset by what she asked, I'd actually be flattered.

inuyokai52 9

Sunday 20 November 2016 5:46

That might be the case if they were on comfortable terms, but from the wording it seems like this was the first time they had talked in a long time. I don't care what kind of relationship you had, you don't bring something like that up so soon after coming back into contact, that's just weird not to mention rude.

spoo 24

Thursday 12 January 2017 23:20

<p>He told the ne BF the OP should step in and do it for him.  Your gf wants me to take care of bedroom parts of your relationship.</p>

LyricaSilvan 29

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:06

Man, that is awkward on a lot of different levels. And a little bit cruel, in my opinion.

manofmerr 27

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:27

Well, if you're feeling lazy, sending a few "instructional videos" to the new boyfriend would probably help. But it sounds like your ex just wants to see you finger her new boyfriend, while talking dirty, so he can learn first hand how to do that. Makes perfect sense to me.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:33

Pointers about fingering? Good one!

TheNewGuy03 28

Saturday 19 November 2016 17:59

Quite interesting, considering the guy apparently had no problem getting OP's ex's digits. The ex, however, needs to thumb through a book for advice instead of asking OP.