Weird, Roommate and Miscellaneous: Great start

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Great start

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 3 337

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Same thing different taste

By roomie487 - 06/10/2009 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 226

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 587

You deserved it 3 864

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 17:07

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 174

You deserved it 694

By mcullen21 - 12/06/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 490

You deserved it 11 722

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 12 074

By oreoblizzard619 - 25/09/2012 12:13 - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 569

You deserved it 3 201

By I hate nasty people - 05/04/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 846

You deserved it 2 178

Cut short

By Technomage - 27/03/2021 11:01

Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 68

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 413

You deserved it 3 901

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 6 582

gunmania0 12

Friday 5 August 2011 23:17

What the hell is your name!?

jake1632 9

Friday 5 August 2011 23:20

Jake..... But I go by Robert

Comments

EJC94 3

Saturday 6 August 2011 14:39

Who cares what she calls u

marit1997 4

Saturday 6 August 2011 15:23

your name is lewbert? why didn't u mention lol

MrDbagManSir 3

Saturday 6 August 2011 18:07

Youre name is McAsshole. Now come on McAsshole pass the lube.

hottiewitdamesse 8

Saturday 6 August 2011 19:30

Just wondering, what exactly is your name? Lol

ruvimka911 0

Saturday 6 August 2011 20:19

Luba?

cufaoil 11

Sunday 7 August 2011 0:42

Sounds like a slick way out of a sticky situation...

thisbitchdani 3

Sunday 7 August 2011 1:08

What the hell is your name?

hopelessxdesign 5

Sunday 7 August 2011 3:41

I really want to know what your name is now lol

familyguy11 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 5:49

that's better than pube

mssykryssy 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 6:32

Nice:)

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The Top

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637 016

You deserved it 799 150

Today, my mum's response to my psycho sister being angry and threatening my partner, was that I should make her angry at me since she needs someone to hate, and I'm the default, so I handle it better anyway. This was after I asked her to get my sister professional help, and she denied the need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 112

The Top

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 486

You deserved it 4 360

Today, I found out that the money my husband and I gave to my son for university courses, has instead been spent on pole dancing lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 3 762

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 289

You deserved it 3 664

Today, I saw a man begging for change downtown. I offered to buy him a meal, just to help him out with food. He said, "Sure, does Friday work?" I told him that I didn't mean it like that. Three hours later, he found me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 197

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 833

You deserved it 3 349

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 210

You deserved it 7 779

Great start

Same thing different taste

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Cut short

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