Love, Intimacy, Sex, Birthday and Romantic: Happy birthday - FML

Happy birthday

By Anonymous - 07/09/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I'd told my boyfriend I wanted a full day in bed with Netflix, champagne, frequent sex, and a takeaway pizza at teatime. He managed sex twice 4 hours apart, kept falling asleep watching Netflix, drank too much, and threw up his pizza all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 134

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 448

You deserved it 3 534

Best birthday ever!

By IHateMyLife - 01/02/2021 08:01

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 291

Partied out

By kp. - 31/08/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 172

You deserved it 4 500

By Anonymous - 29/01/2011 11:55 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 4 137

Come together, right now

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 13:00 - Canada - Stratford

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 383

By anon - 20/08/2012 05:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 688

You deserved it 2 667

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 4 241

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 01/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 528

You deserved it 2 211

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 575

You deserved it 5 722

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 583

You deserved it 5 768

Next

Top comments

GoogieWithers 22

Saturday 7 September 2024 23:10

Happy Birthday! Guess it was memorable one!

awrb 3

Sunday 8 September 2024 10:45

Be careful what you wish for!

Comments

GoogieWithers 22

Saturday 7 September 2024 23:10

Happy Birthday! Guess it was memorable one!

awrb 3

Sunday 8 September 2024 10:45

Be careful what you wish for!

Plcx 5

Sunday 8 September 2024 13:23

it seems that pizza and champagne are not good bedfellows

idragosani 15

Sunday 8 September 2024 18:11

Pizza and champagne? There's your problem right there!

poopface82 19

Monday 9 September 2024 1:37

Sex twice in one day is a solid effort, but the rest of it, yeah, not so much.

Keywords

Love Surprise Cute Awkward My ex Texting Intimacy Sex Wanker Health Insomnia Sleep Mental health Cooking Food Parents Weekend Kids Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Animals Pizza

The Top

...

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 7

Today, I found out my husband of four years has been cheating on me with his boss, who had been kind and treated me well. I never suspected it until I caught them in OUR bed. All he would ever do was come home and complain about how hard his job was. I guess that wasn't the only thing that was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 150

The Top

Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 170

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 707

You deserved it 425

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 636

You deserved it 5 591

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 565

You deserved it 27 326

Today, I increased my internet plan to help speed up downloading a giant 600GB file. After paying for the upgrade, I got a notification that the plan change wouldn’t be effected until 24 hours later. Of course, it actually upgraded mere moments after the file download had already completed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 419

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 154