Food, Painful and Health: Headshot - FML

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By Username - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I decided to have a midnight snack. I figured I knew my own house well enough to leave the lights off so my mom wouldn't wake up. Chuckling at the brilliance of my plan, I walked straight into a doorframe and bust up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 31 354

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Top comments

repyourcliche 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 20:07

"chuckling at the brilliance of my plan" lol what are you, an evil scientist/mad professor or something?

DrinkOMaticBJ 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 20:07

Loser. YDI for not using your cell phone to see

Comments

ledzeppelingirl 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:30

Loser

claiiire_fml 17

Monday 26 December 2011 7:26

...that's not a brilliant plan dumbass.

AdamsNumberOne 16

Wednesday 6 February 2013 4:29

Chuckling at the brilliance of your plan?? what the hell?

Vilsitior_93 12

Thursday 9 May 2013 4:59

When I'm in my house and it seems to be pitch black I study my house precisely to the number of steps I have to take to get to another room or where very thing is placed.

cheyluvsturtles 30

Wednesday 8 June 2016 9:40

honestly sounds like something I would do

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "obsessed" with my new female coworker. She gave me a piece of paper with dozens of tally marks on it. What were the tally marks keeping count of? Every time I've mentioned my coworker to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 819

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 13 482

The Top

Today, a customer came into the store I work at to ask why I hadn't killed myself yet. A month prior, that same customer told me to kill myself. All I did was compliment her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 87

Today, I'm still waiting for my ex, who yesterday afternoon told me that he'd be here within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 465

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 598

You deserved it 1 844

Today, I’m pregnant and have been experiencing the most severe depression of all my life. My long-time therapist asked me to think about whether “this is the right time for me to be in therapy,” then dropped me as a client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 142

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 375

You deserved it 579

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 360