Parents, Surprise and Love: Hey how are you?

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 217

You deserved it 4 359

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Same thing different taste

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 208

You deserved it 4 344

Gimme a break

By anon - 04/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 166

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 969

You deserved it 4 117

By superfiedman - 04/08/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 513

You deserved it 3 437

Dude, chill out

By U... - 18/08/2023 22:00

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 115

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 234

You deserved it 4 591

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 09/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 608

You deserved it 3 151

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 00:00

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 1 447

dezire43 7

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:23

at least she wasn't cheating

WildJubeJube 16

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:21

Good luck with that.

Comments

Jxv 15

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:43

Change the locks! Just kidding, it's always lovely when it comes to surprise family visits

Chezzlova 5

Sunday 7 September 2014 5:50

Your dad sounds like quite the character OP. Also, I'm glad you didn't find your wife cheating.

gpg5 19

Sunday 7 September 2014 6:01

Your response "I'm calling the cops"

CoGhostRider 31

Sunday 7 September 2014 16:24

He used his spare key so he had permission to be there.

tonyfan00 38

Sunday 7 September 2014 6:17

Well that's better than seeing your wife cheating on you!

Gestpacho88 12

Sunday 7 September 2014 6:21

So is your personality, dad.

pitapizzaparty 18

Sunday 7 September 2014 6:36

How lovely

Khaleesi_26 30

Sunday 7 September 2014 6:48

Well thats a nice way to welcome someone home.

GSU2013 6

Sunday 7 September 2014 7:02

Really don't see how this was serious/interesting enough to get published

johbstonjacob 8

Sunday 7 September 2014 7:19

Dont we all just love parents....

famoose 7

Sunday 7 September 2014 7:20

Well at least she wasn't cheating...

Keywords

Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Love Smells Awkward Embarrassing Miscellaneous Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Music Social Media Grieving Boredom Anniversary Ironic Intimacy Abuse Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation Alcohol AITA Gun control Parents Kids

The Top

Today, I just found out that my sister will be bringing her boyfriend along to spend Christmas with my family. The two of them, along with my brother and his wife, make me the only single one in the family this year. Looks like I'll be spending Christmas Day with the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 122

You deserved it 1 036

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 460

You deserved it 2 166

The Top

Today, it's Fathers Day. Both of my adult daughters called me… from their stepfather's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 164

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 5 104

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 2 133

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 6 521

Today, a coworker sent a last-minute request for a highly complex custom report based on a spreadsheet. It took most of the weekend and Monday to get right because he'd screwed up most of the calculations. The client was pissed; they'd wanted it done by 5PM GMT that Friday. He'd sat on the request until 5 EST Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 83

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 607

You deserved it 2 691