Poopoo peepee and Miscellaneous: How? Why?

How? Why?

By Noname - 12/03/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 046

You deserved it 31 384

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Same thing different taste

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

Sitcom vibes

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 19:31 - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 401

You deserved it 48 868

Can't hold it in anymore

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, both toilets in my house were occupied, so I had to shit outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 183

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 141

You deserved it 5 835

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 3 657

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 695

You deserved it 4 836

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 505

You deserved it 5 644

By bonnmo - 11/11/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 995

You deserved it 297

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 198

alyssa_22 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 23:21

Wouldn't you notice that there's no water in it?

iammeanttolive 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 23:14

Shit happens. (:

Comments

holynemesis1208 3

Friday 13 March 2009 0:30

that must have been a fun conversation of explaining.

Excellence 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:34

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll understand, but don't be surprised if you get sent to a "special" school.

spankyness 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:35

honest mistake, i always piss blind folded, that way i can ensure i get it everywhere, but what went through your head when you saw two toilets... "wow my uncle really hates being alone, even wants company when hes takin a crap"

greenman_fml 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:00

f-em now everyone can revel in the awesomeness of your shit. don't be ashamed; flaunt your all-powerful bowels

quioxote 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:11

it's pretty obvious that it's a woman based on the characterization of the toilet as "pretty"...I don't think too many guys would call a toilet pretty

lockdown1101 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:26

lol... wouldn't you notice there being a problem with having two toilets in someone's bathroom?

dragon_fml 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:38

scope it out, dump it in the other toliet. flush. SPRAY air freshener into the new toliet to cover smell. throw in some smoothie shake or something to cover the color, tell your uncle that you wanted to flush it but didn't know it wasn't connected. desperate times calls for desperate measures.

paperplanes92 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:43

why would u assume that men look be4 using the toilet and women dont? he also said that a man wouldnt make a stupid mistake. thats the definition of sexist.