Money, Healthy Lifestyle, Food and Social Media: Influencer brain - FML

Influencer brain

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 22:00 - United States - Bisbee

Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 635

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Same thing different taste

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 820

You deserved it 36 578

Complicated

By mylifeissad - 30/12/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 273

You deserved it 37 959

By cleb - 22/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 419

You deserved it 1 041

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 531

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 292

Fuzzy perception

By opinaise - 02/08/2012 13:00 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her usual moaning, "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at this egg, it makes me want to throw up… It's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 301

You deserved it 4 016

By Ryuuchild666 - 01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 526

You deserved it 222

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 880

Meandering

By Kate & Nate - 29/11/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried a new recipe for dinner. However, the recipe was written by someone with a penchant for overly dramatic storytelling. I spent the entire evening deciphering the narrative while desperately trying to salvage a dish that ultimately tasted like disappointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 211

By melon squash - 11/09/2016 10:15 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 563

You deserved it 1 327

Next

Top comments

great_nate 26

Thursday 22 February 2024 5:34

A fridge full?

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Thursday 22 February 2024 0:16

Try the yellow one. it’s much tastier.

Comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Thursday 22 February 2024 0:16

Try the yellow one. it’s much tastier.

JaneSimple 25

Thursday 22 February 2024 1:14

I love it!

great_nate 26

Thursday 22 February 2024 5:34

A fridge full?

Gubbon 17

Thursday 22 February 2024 8:43

What's bad about them?

hopejm 5

Thursday 22 February 2024 12:29

now you know, when trying something new just get one to see if you like it or not.

Sonotsuave 35

Saturday 24 February 2024 16:39

Make a smoothie out of it. Problem solved

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 3 939

The Top

Today, I'm officially no longer a teenager. I spent my birthday bedridden, because I've been extremely sick since the day before. This exact scenario happened last year too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 119

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his Facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 309

You deserved it 3 797

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 455

You deserved it 730

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 9 935

Today, we have an asshole neighbor who owns a loud muscle car. Another neighbor called the cops on him for constantly revving the engine and breaking the noise ordinance. He now purposefully drives by their house at odd hours of the night to blare his horn and wake everybody up. I live across the road from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 78

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 750

You deserved it 822