Wanker and Intimacy: iTouch - FML

iTouch

By lonely girl - 02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 381

You deserved it 22 820

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 615

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 178

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 11 365

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 1 820

By SelfServiced - 03/11/2014 01:31 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 958

You deserved it 6 615

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 729

You deserved it 9 181

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 892

You deserved it 14 215

Bye bye

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 135

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 32 498

Next

Top comments

Juneyah1017 9

Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:57

.... Find a man! It shouldn't be hard if you want sex.

keverdeen 14

Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:58

Maybe it's time to invest in a toy.

Comments

soapmactavish82 8

Thursday 4 July 2013 4:23

Can I get your number? I'm sure I can help you

kidsgotastinky 11

Thursday 4 July 2013 4:39

I can help ;)

Erery 16

Thursday 4 July 2013 5:17

I think I like this FML ;)

WeskersSexslave 15

Thursday 4 July 2013 9:57

if she cant pleasure herself how would a guy do it? people you're suppose to guide them

Viiarla 5

Thursday 4 July 2013 10:34

**** your hand!...wait...u did

masood13 4

Saturday 13 July 2013 6:32

call me 916-595-1570

TemptresSerenity 2

Thursday 5 September 2013 6:34

you should get a hitachi - in my view it's god's gift to woman-kind

OneCrazyMofo 4

Sunday 15 September 2013 23:20

You should put this on iFunny

georgialz 6

Friday 4 October 2013 0:41

Sometimes your hoohaa just isn't having it. For the people saying get a boyfriend: I don't know anyone that knows how to please a woman better than herself.

SirDirtyRedD 15

Friday 22 November 2013 2:05

bahahaha

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Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

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Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

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Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 381

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 149

You deserved it 4 401

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 554

You deserved it 16 330