Miscellaneous and Neighbours: Just corpsing

Just corpsing

By Anonymous - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 64

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Same thing different taste

By rholt - 14/01/2014 06:48 - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 474

You deserved it 8 091

By FUCKKKS - 03/03/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 6 096

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 937

You deserved it 676

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 779

You deserved it 5 219

Exhausted

By FML - 24/07/2014 15:59 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 24 311

By Eloy Ymer - 22/08/2010 23:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 2 571

By sleepytime - 05/10/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 691

You deserved it 32 919

Fiat 500 woes

By Too tall for this shit - 30/11/2024 22:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I parked, then opened my car door to get out, and somehow managed to practically knock myself out by banging my head on the frame, then on the car door that had slammed back into my forehead as I was still reeling from hitting the roof. A guy walking by asked if I was okay while trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 116

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 457

You deserved it 9 477

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 05:56 - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 6 700

d j mom 8

Wednesday 8 January 2025 12:44

I wanna know why your neighbor is spying on you.

Comments

d j mom 8

Wednesday 8 January 2025 12:44

I wanna know why your neighbor is spying on you.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I thought it would be a good idea for me and my colleague to fuck in the bathroom that no one uses. Turns out, the president of the company, who was here for a visit, had picked the perfect day to use it. Now we’re jobless and potentially spouseless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 889

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 535

You deserved it 12 248

The Top

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 881

You deserved it 10 595

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 8 396

Today, I drove 10 hours on a broken foot to get away, because my drunk dad decided to shove me to the ground multiple times, and now I have to get fusion surgery on my foot. I also found out he’s trying to get me arrested for burglary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 133

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 885

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 363

You deserved it 3 450