Kids and Love: Life goals

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 557

You deserved it 3 890

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 710

You deserved it 3 166

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 13:30

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 193

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 035

You deserved it 4 181

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 24 788

By azmom - 27/03/2012 17:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 328

You deserved it 26 216

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 869

You deserved it 5 979

By SCARRED - 29/08/2014 20:15 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 781

You deserved it 7 594

By kte - 30/12/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 304

You deserved it 2 648

By Anonymous - 22/07/2014 17:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 372

You deserved it 44 679

By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 222

You deserved it 2 919

bobert258 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 1:04

ouch

MermaidSongXOXO 6

Tuesday 16 February 2010 1:06

Take her to the local fire station and ask if she could use their pole. Practice makes perfect :)

Comments

mandilynn831 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 2:16

omg I would had died

sexxyajayy 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 6:04

nice kid u got there ehh? ;]

Samuraixman 3

Friday 5 March 2010 8:58

Is your husband tiger woods

ryguy997 0

Monday 8 March 2010 21:18

**** 'EM ALL!!!

aandfgirlie45 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:20

hahaha wow

holycheesecake 0

Monday 14 June 2010 3:09

wow beat him

welly_ellie 0

Tuesday 6 July 2010 0:49

holy shitt

missmontreal97 4

Friday 6 August 2010 18:00

omg. sorry to hear that op. :(

tamoodielovesmar 1

Monday 20 June 2011 0:01

that blows

buddddy 5

Friday 15 July 2011 6:16

wat did you do wrong to deserve that

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Love Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward

The Top

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 157

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 3 963

The Top

Today, I'd thought I was somewhat friends with a girl, the only person I actually talked to outside of school, but after overhearing a discussion I think she may actually have restricted me on Instagram, because I've "always pissed me off anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 96

Today, I found out the reason why my boyfriend of two years stopped posting about our relationship on social media. It wasn’t to “protect our relationship from hating eyes and bad energy.” Apparently, there’s a hot new young lady that works with him and he added her. Me being in the picture would ruin his chances with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 119

Today, I found myself locked in a bathroom for the second time in my life. This time at least I was at home. I live alone. I had to break the window on the shower door and crawl out. Now, I need to crawl in/out to shower, brush my teeth and more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 1 246

Today, I had a blind date. When I went to meet him, he shouted to my friend, “What the fuck dude? You didn’t tell me I’d be on a date with Miss Piggy! Fuck this shit!” and then stormed off. I haven’t had a date in 6 years and I bought the best outfit and got my hair done to make an impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 198

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 455

You deserved it 29 054

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 668

You deserved it 50 605

Life goals

Same thing different taste

Get out of here

Top comments

Comments