Sex, Poopoo peepee, Gross and Love: Made his mark

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 3 353

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 617

You deserved it 8 230

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 583

You deserved it 24 332

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 63 339

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 873

You deserved it 15 390

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 6 009

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 696

You deserved it 9 445

God laughs

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 15 409

Stank ass

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 87

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 601

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:57

Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

Comments

luked557 11

Tuesday 9 June 2015 13:58

You took the time to measure it?

vikky538 28

Tuesday 9 June 2015 14:14

He just went from man of your dreams to your toilet dreams

GirasolNegro 22

Tuesday 9 June 2015 14:44

I take it he went from the man of your dreams, to the man of your nightmares??

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 9 June 2015 15:20

Are you still going to see him?

MasterBob_fml 14

Tuesday 9 June 2015 15:44

He's a scatman.

shinikageWolf 15

Tuesday 9 June 2015 16:44

If you're going to have sex soon, maybe you should shower and freshen up?

Reese_3DG 11

Tuesday 9 June 2015 16:58

I guess he's not your Prince Charmin anymore.

steam_engenius 21

Wednesday 10 June 2015 15:32

haha!

dragoongirl90 34

Tuesday 9 June 2015 18:00

Maybe he had a hard fart or something. Don't ASSume things.

mustangbravo 27

Tuesday 9 June 2015 18:39

You gonna call him on it?

bwhilden713 2

Tuesday 9 June 2015 19:54

You sure it wasn't from you...?

Keywords

Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Love Awkward Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Music Grieving Social Media Boredom Anniversary Ironic Intimacy Abuse AITA Drunk Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 15 024

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. Things were going well, the lady was about to offer me the job, but then I got the hiccups. She immediately changed her tone and said, “Yeah, I think we’re done here. Next time, don’t show up to a job interview drunk.” I had no alcohol in my system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 98

The Top

Today, I was looking through an old box of personal artwork when I realised the entire box was damp. This was all my own art from the past 3 years, smudged and smelling of cat urine. I was supposed to showcase some of it in a competition winning gallery this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 398

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 040

You deserved it 6 092

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 500

You deserved it 4 908

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 335

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 88

Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 211