Sex, Poopoo peepee, Gross and Love: Made his mark

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 321

You deserved it 3 300

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 607

You deserved it 8 228

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 580

You deserved it 24 327

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 63 333

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 868

You deserved it 15 390

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 978

You deserved it 6 008

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 694

You deserved it 9 442

God laughs

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 15 407

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 534

You deserved it 87 594

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 344

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:57

Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

Comments

luked557 11

Tuesday 9 June 2015 13:58

You took the time to measure it?

vikky538 28

Tuesday 9 June 2015 14:14

He just went from man of your dreams to your toilet dreams

GirasolNegro 22

Tuesday 9 June 2015 14:44

I take it he went from the man of your dreams, to the man of your nightmares??

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 9 June 2015 15:20

Are you still going to see him?

MasterBob_fml 14

Tuesday 9 June 2015 15:44

He's a scatman.

shinikageWolf 15

Tuesday 9 June 2015 16:44

If you're going to have sex soon, maybe you should shower and freshen up?

Reese_3DG 11

Tuesday 9 June 2015 16:58

I guess he's not your Prince Charmin anymore.

steam_engenius 21

Wednesday 10 June 2015 15:32

haha!

dragoongirl90 34

Tuesday 9 June 2015 18:00

Maybe he had a hard fart or something. Don't ASSume things.

mustangbravo 27

Tuesday 9 June 2015 18:39

You gonna call him on it?

bwhilden713 2

Tuesday 9 June 2015 19:54

You sure it wasn't from you...?

Keywords

Awkward Cheating Love Jewelry Engagement ring Shopping Miscellaneous Technology Scary Pranks Kids Cute Underwear Embarrassing Education School Students College Life Ironic Health Empathy Work Mental health Weddings Annoying University Confused AITA Divorce Sex

The Top

Today, the woman I am absolutely in love with will only be my friend. I wish I could get her to understand how much it hurts to see her with boyfriends, and only be friends. I'm starting to feel like I can't maintain this friendship because it hurts so much. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 743

Here's the latest video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com, enjoy! Kay Akana, co-founder of 10secondtraumas.com, is also a stand-up comedian in LA. Do go and check out her performances, she did manage to make us lot laugh! ...

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 29

The Top

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 978

You deserved it 22 425

Today, I had an appointment with my dentist to check for cavities. He told me that most of my teeth have cavities, and that I may need a root canal. In fact, I ended up actually getting a painful root canal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 189

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 320

You deserved it 6 987

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 133

You deserved it 4 055

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 725

You deserved it 4 100

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 898

You deserved it 5 124