Sex, Poopoo peepee, Gross and Love: Made his mark

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 3 353

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 617

You deserved it 8 230

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 583

You deserved it 24 332

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 63 339

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 873

You deserved it 15 390

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 6 009

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 696

You deserved it 9 445

God laughs

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 15 409

Stank ass

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 86

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 601

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:57

Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

Comments

zykrithium 22

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:00

Maybe you should put a "Bounty" on his head.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:31

Bounty is a brand of paper towels; not toilet paper, so... about that!

BigC_from_Bama 16

Tuesday 9 June 2015 19:10

hey, you gotta use what you gotta use.

Dgarcia2014 13

Tuesday 9 June 2015 20:17

Well clearly he doesn't use anything!

Exaspera 54

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:00

I hope the skid marks led to a place far away.

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

drshn 22

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:07

haha best one yet.

CyberHex 7

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:02

I agree. Your life sucks

EPIKxPANDA 13

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:03

Well technically he did wipe.. He just used your sheets instead.

noisyboy4000 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:04

What an asswipe

invadermaythe1st 35

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:17

Clearly not...

tormcn 26

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:05

Maybe he prefers cotton over cottonelle?

91hayek 31

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:07

One always gives a lot more credit to a guy when she is infatuated with him;. There are so many fmls about "man of my dreams" or "hottest guy" or "cute guy" or "guy I've had a crush on forever" who end up disappointing the girl terribly. So many pedal stools.