Sex, Poopoo peepee, Gross and Love: Made his mark

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 573

You deserved it 3 353

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 617

You deserved it 8 230

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 583

You deserved it 24 332

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 63 339

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 873

You deserved it 15 390

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 6 009

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 696

You deserved it 9 445

God laughs

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 15 409

Stank ass

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 86

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 601

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:57

Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

Comments

Solano2580 24

Wednesday 10 June 2015 4:31

I really hate it when people use weird terms to describe things (even though it's implied, it's still unneeded)

PrestonWolf 13

Wednesday 10 June 2015 4:47

Are you sure it was him? Lmao

mine___turtles10 13

Wednesday 10 June 2015 4:47

One does not simply not believe in toilet paper

Jethco 15

Wednesday 10 June 2015 5:10

Hooooooooooe baaaaaaaag

username356 14

Wednesday 10 June 2015 5:47

How can you be so sure it was him and not you ? Not trying to be rude just an honest question

thatsme293 28

Wednesday 10 June 2015 19:27

Burn the covers and never look back.

pinque 19

Friday 12 June 2015 4:59

Then your fantasy turned into reality

Shalinar 6

Saturday 13 June 2015 7:48

You have strange dreams

nyagemini23 22

Monday 15 June 2015 23:30

Omg that's horrible

_unfckingknown_ 4

Wednesday 24 June 2015 8:51

hahaha and that's why they make commercials for toilet paper

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Awkward Smells Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Anniversary Boredom Ironic Intimacy Abuse Drunk Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me and told me to untag him in a picture I posted of us on Facebook. Apparently his girl best friend saw the photo and got upset with him because he never told her about our relationship. She’s no longer speaking to him and he blames me. We’ve been dating for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 97

Today, I found out my old high school class has a friend group on Facebook, so I applied to join but received a very frank and nasty message. Apparently they all remember me as “the Bullying Mean Girl” and all voted not to let me join. I was a nerd in high school and I was nice to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 340

The Top

Today, our internet is down so I told my daughter to watch a DVD instead. She looked at me dead in the face and asked what a DVD was. To think I even remember VHS tapes. Damn I’m getting old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 153

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 2 644

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 60 945

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 6 537

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 125

You deserved it 5 542

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 543

You deserved it 20 194