Sex, Poopoo peepee, Gross and Love: Made his mark

Made his mark

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 321

You deserved it 3 300

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 607

You deserved it 8 228

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 580

You deserved it 24 327

By BarbieKen - 14/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 63 333

By Crashburn - 16/01/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 868

You deserved it 15 390

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 978

You deserved it 6 008

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 694

You deserved it 9 442

God laughs

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 15 407

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 534

You deserved it 87 594

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 344

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:57

Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"

SweetSociopathy 24

Tuesday 9 June 2015 9:01

Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.

Comments

Joshawott 21

Tuesday 9 June 2015 22:06

Misread that as "the nan of my dreams". Now THAT would be an FML.

bradoiler 15

Tuesday 9 June 2015 22:29

was the sex at least good

ErinRosado 14

Tuesday 9 June 2015 22:43

So you got six inches... just not in the way you were hoping for.

Matheo_fml 21

Tuesday 9 June 2015 22:47

Was the sex at least worth it?

ChloeMeyers_Xo 16

Tuesday 9 June 2015 22:55

Did you actually measure that?

Witchylady 17

Wednesday 10 June 2015 0:46

Now he is the man of your shitty dreams. That would be a turn off for anyone.

Ava_Darkflame 26

Wednesday 10 June 2015 0:52

Nauseous.

nightfall8705 33

Wednesday 10 June 2015 2:36

Clearly he wasn't as confident to go commando as he thought he was.

aliahh7 6

Wednesday 10 June 2015 3:22

How did you not smell it

aubamas 20

Wednesday 10 June 2015 4:18

roll call!

Keywords

Awkward Cheating Love Jewelry Engagement ring Shopping Miscellaneous Technology Scary Pranks Kids Cute Underwear Embarrassing Education School Students College Life Ironic Health Empathy Work Mental health Weddings Annoying University Confused AITA Divorce Sex

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our Skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 652

You deserved it 25 000

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 7 919

The Top

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 427

You deserved it 45 951

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 063

You deserved it 6 722

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said, "I love you." I flipped out saying, "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you too!" He responded with, "What?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 180

You deserved it 17 570

Today, I was smoking a cigarette outside and kept thinking I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I would look and there was nothing there, so I kept brushing it off. Finally I figured out it was an earwig crawling through my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 137

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 290

You deserved it 4 369

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 476

You deserved it 2 551