Kids, Sex and Sleep: Make it stop - FML

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 22:00 - Argentina

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a single mother. Amazing sex, but now I can’t sleep because her baby won’t stop fucking crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 1 762

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Same thing different taste

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 114

You deserved it 2 576

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 14:00 - United States - Queens

Spicy

Today, for the third night in a row, I got cockblocked by my 10 month-old not sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 429

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 2 706

Alone time

By Anonymous - 27/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Buford

Spicy

Today, I finally got some alone time today with the boyfriend (we have kids, so this is rare) and we were going heavily at it when his mother decided to drop in and wouldn’t stop knocking on the front door. Worst timing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 128

Teamwork

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 05:01

Today, my newborn daughter has kept me up all day and all night for the past few days. Usually my husband sleeps. I finally cracked and yelled for his help, only for him to scream at me that he needs sleep and gives her to me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 215

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 392

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Spicy

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 813

Betrayal stings

By Anonymous - 01/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, I found out my baby momma has been building a whole relationship with my cousin. They escalated to wanting to sleep with each other. We have a two year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 149

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 16:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 731

You deserved it 37 370

Next

Top comments

Hangryko 29

Monday 6 February 2023 5:11

You're going to be a *great* dad. </sarcasm>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 14:56

If the sex was so amazing, you'd be able to sleep through a tornado.

Comments

JackWood 20

Monday 6 February 2023 4:30

Start getting used to your ready made family.

Hangryko 29

Monday 6 February 2023 5:11

You're going to be a *great* dad. </sarcasm>

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 14:56

If the sex was so amazing, you'd be able to sleep through a tornado.

EpicOracle 23

Tuesday 7 February 2023 8:13

I was in your shoes some years ago. Helped babysat after sex. Her son still asks to speak to me once in a while.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 549

You deserved it 7 856

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for "cheating" on him with his best friend. What did I do? I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when I finally met him in person, after years of hearing about how great he is and how much we would get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 161

The Top

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 128

You deserved it 36 908

Today, I almost got fired from my job because I was caught "sleeping" during a virtual meeting. I wasn't asleep; I was on mute, and my internet froze while I was mid-yawn. It took a while for my boss to grapple with and understand the concept, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 72

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 035

You deserved it 3 631

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 508

You deserved it 3 667

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 245

You deserved it 205

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 508

You deserved it 5 174