Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Milking it

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 153

You deserved it 14 889

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Same thing different taste

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 164

You deserved it 20 925

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 286

You deserved it 29 243

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 284

You deserved it 7 891

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 4 328

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 715

You deserved it 27 261

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 612

You deserved it 1 192

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 166

You deserved it 11 465

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 128

You deserved it 23 509

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 4 533

jleon 0

Friday 21 May 2010 18:51

hahahhhshahHahahahahaha

Alexitis1 3

Friday 21 May 2010 18:53

r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)

Comments

281go 4

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:40

dude that would have freaked me out.... I would have been like "What tha"

boywithhat 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:40

shut up and enjoy it

fairies633 8

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:41

ewwww

isisx39 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:47

Get over it. You're getting a great handjob from your wife.

isisx39 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:50

*girlfriend. Sorry.

rubyliu8420 7

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:54

next time just stick it in her mouth, then she won't be able to say anything.

Lmfao_69 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 5:59

lmao #224

clanceyrocks11 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 6:05

Look at what obesity has done to our country!

artsyfox 3

Saturday 22 May 2010 6:10

Bwahahahha!! Better then saying "stretch it out, stretch it out" haha

Keylogger_0 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 6:17

i love those curdy milk! they are so good!

dugumit 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 7:24

today I gave my boyfriend a hand job. his dick is so small it was like milking a cow tit.

BluSkyNoise 0

Saturday 22 May 2010 7:31

she needs to lay off the farmville

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at work, I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then showed up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 5 075

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 367

The Top

Today, I realized I hate my boyfriend's little sister enough to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 7 561

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 473

You deserved it 1 656

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 524

You deserved it 390

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 13 434

Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 086

You deserved it 305

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 2 770

Milking it

Same thing different taste

It's all too much

Timing

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