Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Milking it - FML

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 153

You deserved it 14 889

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Same thing different taste

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 164

You deserved it 20 925

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 286

You deserved it 29 243

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 284

You deserved it 7 891

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 4 328

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 715

You deserved it 27 261

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 612

You deserved it 1 192

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 166

You deserved it 11 465

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 128

You deserved it 23 509

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 4 533

Next

Top comments

jleon 0

Friday 21 May 2010 18:51

hahahhhshahHahahahahaha

Alexitis1 3

Friday 21 May 2010 18:53

r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)

Comments

thetoiletpaper 3

Saturday 26 November 2011 1:37

she dosent have enough milk for cornflakes?

pelletman67 16

Friday 2 December 2011 4:41

Nothing wrong with that as long as she plans on drinking the milk!

money127 4

Monday 12 December 2011 0:27

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

llamalullabies 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 1:24

Omfg I can't stop laughing X'D

oregonman21 0

Wednesday 8 February 2012 6:50

That's funny as shit lol

laladd123 11

Saturday 11 February 2012 19:53

She must think your some kinda cow. MOO... Milkay milkay

Apcfan227 0

Tuesday 21 February 2012 22:20

Is it weird if I'd find it adorable if my girl did this...? ^^;

fyredancer911 3

Saturday 16 June 2012 5:37

This is my favorite fml on the site. My boyfriend told me about this website using this as an example, and to this day I laugh hysterically when I read it.

twinkiefeets 17

Saturday 23 June 2012 8:34

EWE

fmlman287 0

Tuesday 26 June 2012 7:13

I also agree with #6: that's the general idea of a hand job.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I met one of my favorite webcomic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth, he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 498

You deserved it 7 808

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 118

You deserved it 5 920

The Top

Today, I had my pill check and the nurse cautioned me that my BMI says I'm obese. I'm an elite powerlifter and my weight is this high on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 138

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She's not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 331

You deserved it 1 482

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 7 614

Today, I realized that I am what the internet refers to as a "neckbeard." I really need to get my shit together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 309

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 982

Today, one of my students corrected the problem I had solved on the board, explaining that you do multiplication before subtraction. I teach the second grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 308

You deserved it 54 649