Intimacy: Misguided

Misguided

By baller - 08/06/2009 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 996

You deserved it 92 902

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 14/03/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 213 128

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 73 487

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 205

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 025

You deserved it 6 775

Carded B.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 12:00

Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 191

By BDayssuck - 02/09/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 647

You deserved it 3 133

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 651

You deserved it 7 910

Where am I right now?

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

Not smart

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 564

Clout chasing

By Samantha - 31/05/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 020

You deserved it 5 106

my_fml_account 2

Monday 8 June 2009 16:21

did he return with a knowing look?

Capnstinkfoot 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:32

YDI for being a dumbass, BUT, if she did blow you then take a pic, mail it 2 him w/a note that says " told ya"

Comments

tutusinghsohi 3

Monday 8 June 2009 23:12

Haha. That, sir, was uncalled for. YDI.

cmac86 23

Monday 8 June 2009 23:17

How do you know that she's not a virgin?

Manny_B92 0

Monday 8 June 2009 23:29

God everyone get over it, it's was more of the fact that he was trying to crack a quick joke, not to offend her... everyone is acting like it's the end of the world. YDI for not looking at who you're talking to, but I would really love to know what happens next!

ILoveJace01 0

Monday 8 June 2009 23:34

Lol!

Manny_B92 0

Monday 8 June 2009 23:34

69 You're retarded. If you're in a relationship with someone there's nothing wrong with oral... and it doesn't make anyone more or less classy, unless you're giving it out like to everyone. Oral is a normal part of a sex life... quit acting like it's like having sex with an animal you conservative pricks...