Intimacy: Misguided

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Misguided

By baller - 08/06/2009 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 997

You deserved it 92 933

May weddings: Love and blunders
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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 14/03/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 457

You deserved it 213 160

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 221

You deserved it 73 503

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 209

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 030

You deserved it 6 778

Carded B.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 12:00

Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 343

You deserved it 194

By BDayssuck - 02/09/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 653

You deserved it 3 133

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 658

You deserved it 7 912

Where am I right now?

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 84

Not smart

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 587

Clout chasing

By Samantha - 31/05/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 030

You deserved it 5 110

my_fml_account 2

Monday 8 June 2009 16:21

did he return with a knowing look?

Capnstinkfoot 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:32

YDI for being a dumbass, BUT, if she did blow you then take a pic, mail it 2 him w/a note that says " told ya"

Comments

infest0125 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:18

Hahaha, that was funny, FYL and YDI. But thanks for that story. Reminds me of one I have. My friend was once seeing a play, and he was in between two people. One some random guy and the other his friend. During intermission the people next to him switched seats, and he goes to what he thinks is his friend "Dude, the girl playing charlie is so damn hot", only to get the response "That's my daughter..." He had to sit with the guy for the rest of the show.

Briton_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:19

Oh shit!

Losername1 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:20

wtf why is everyone being so harsh? yeah its embarrassing but thats the point of fml its hilarious. so baller i would like to say thats great!!!thanks for adding this its made me laugh a lot!!!!!!!!!!

CodeMonkey123 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:23

I'm being so harsh because his life is not ****** from this. His life is ****** because he's stupid.

um_duh 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:23

Agree with those who said that he should have kicked you out. Did you have a brain seizure at that very moment because no-one in their right mind would say something like that especially to a random stranger

you_fail_at_life 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:53

Well. Be glad he wasn't a really jealous boyfriend, ready to kick your ass. Lol.

NoMercy_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 20:58

Mr. Stevenson your daughter sucks a really mean ****. Oh you didn't know? Well trust me me she goes for that **** like it's a twinky with the white stuff in the middle if you know what I mean.