Intimacy: Misguided

Misguided

By baller - 08/06/2009 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 996

You deserved it 92 902

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 14/03/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 213 128

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 73 487

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 205

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 025

You deserved it 6 775

Carded B.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 12:00

Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 191

By BDayssuck - 02/09/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 647

You deserved it 3 133

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 651

You deserved it 7 910

Where am I right now?

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

Not smart

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 564

Clout chasing

By Samantha - 31/05/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 020

You deserved it 5 106

my_fml_account 2

Monday 8 June 2009 16:21

did he return with a knowing look?

Capnstinkfoot 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:32

YDI for being a dumbass, BUT, if she did blow you then take a pic, mail it 2 him w/a note that says " told ya"

Comments

my_fml_account 2

Monday 8 June 2009 16:21

did he return with a knowing look?

ShinyDinosaurr 3

Tuesday 10 July 2012 4:38

Could have been worse. Her dad could have said that to him :p

randomdude1234 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:23

You sir, WIN!!!

westsideknight 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:23

hahaha.....brilliant

bohemond_fml 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:24

What's wrong with that? A little awkward for you, but whatever. There's nothing wrong with sex. Try to get lucky next time.

Conker4321 10

Saturday 17 August 2013 15:08

Well, you're a twat

ILIEKGIRLS 5

Monday 8 June 2009 16:25

LOL WINRAR

Aniland 2

Monday 8 June 2009 16:29

uneekfreak16 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:29

At least you're not her boyfriend. That would be an even bigger fml.

peanutfoo 19

Saturday 21 April 2012 17:49

He never said he wasn't..

CloudKumo 12

Monday 21 July 2014 17:55

Yeah, well he also didn't say that he was a purple dinosaur ninja. Doesn't mean he is.

Gemma_Mansonite 20

Tuesday 30 December 2014 14:55

It would also be awkward if it wasn't her dad he said it to-if he said it to her boyfriend Both circumstances are awkward though

Capnstinkfoot 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:32

YDI for being a dumbass, BUT, if she did blow you then take a pic, mail it 2 him w/a note that says " told ya"

mattmag 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:34

I hope he responded with some macho expression and gave you a high five.

dragonstrike94 8

Wednesday 16 November 2011 4:16

My ex's dad was like that

shakenbake93 0

Monday 8 June 2009 16:37

Awkward.

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The Top

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said, "Girls don't wear deodorant." He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 3 008

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 62 130

The Top

Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 625

You deserved it 58 146

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 354

You deserved it 1 097

Today, I went to prom with my two friends. I was ditched by my prom date because he had “other plans.” The weird thing is that when we got to the prom location, I saw him with another date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 92

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 356

You deserved it 3 833

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 60 944

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 956

You deserved it 2 051