Intimacy: Mix up

Mix up

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 196

You deserved it 79 311

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Same thing different taste

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 3 337

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 866

You deserved it 4 046

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 929

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 409

You deserved it 13 922

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 11 994

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 956

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 504

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 1 151

koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

Comments

frozenpandaman 0

Monday 8 June 2009 7:10

Oh snap. And lol @ 86

masterjedai_828 0

Monday 8 June 2009 8:24

Reminds me of my friend Logan. He's whipped so that's what he's reduced to.

Dragodon64 0

Monday 8 June 2009 8:36

Wow, it would suck to make a slip up like that. On the bright side maybe she's a cool mom and will just laugh it off. Chances are, she isn't.

nirvan5a 1

Monday 8 June 2009 8:42

Oh man...

kellster 2

Monday 8 June 2009 8:51

Honeychild, every ONE does it, not just men. Please, please, please come into this century's way of thinking, thanks. #97: Wrong, kitten. We all do it, except the few of y'all who haven't discovered the Right Way (whichever one that is for you) yet. Where you're right is that immature women deny it because they have this ridiculous notion that it's gross or wrong or something like that. Grow up, sweetheart. And do yourself a favor: go buy yourself a vibrator/detachable showerhead/shoulder massager or whatever gets your rocks off. Sounds like you need it!

shalvius 3

Monday 8 June 2009 9:38

do you ever think, why everyone has depression now? mastrubation = loosing living energy when are young, you not notice nothing, but look: "The most common time of onset is between the ages of 30 and 40 years"

Ephidel 0

Monday 8 June 2009 9:42

I created an account just so that I could put it out there that I am one of those people that does not **********, after reading the FML saying everyone does it and seeing so many commenters jump on poor #7. I am an eighteen year old male, and I have heard of people that are even older still not having done so. I have had no need or desire to **********. It is nothing religious. While I have certainly been aroused in the past, I feel my free time could be better spent doing something more productive. Even commenting here to explain why I don't **********. The temporary sense of pleasure is unimportant to me, as there are other ways I could achieve that feeling. If I end up having sex later in my life, so be it, but, while I can understand why other people might ********** and respect that, I am entirely uninterested in doing so myself. Sorry if this comment double posts or anything, it didn't go through the first time so I've fixed it up a little bit and attempted to post again.