Wanker and Intimacy: Morning motivation - FML

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 189

You deserved it 53 413

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 364

You deserved it 47 194

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 187

You deserved it 6 720

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Spicy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 3 990

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 3 884

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 228

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 16 590

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 040

You deserved it 9 040

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 432

You deserved it 4 199

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 1 089

Next

Top comments

alpuppy 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:41

I'm wondering...is it only weird because his girlfriend was there?

kellster 2

Monday 16 March 2009 1:32

Why the hell would you jerk off knowing your brother was in the room?? Much less, why so vigorously! Go take a shower or something jeez!

Comments

ichikibobivopula 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 18:06

haha you said jerk sorry. that wasn't funny.

isminei 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 18:27

Maybe the brother and gf were asleep after a rigorous night of an inappropriate pants off dance off-which gave the OP the dream.

redhedsaysrawr 18

Sunday 15 January 2012 14:32

no shit sherlock

DubstepMasta 18

Monday 20 January 2014 5:44

Lmao inappropriate pants off dance-off.....now that is ******* hilarious

SookyTurner 4

Friday 30 September 2011 15:41

Wtf you dick

kennalusk 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 22:29

You would want to rape your own brother and his girlfriend. Nice one.

coolstorybro6969 6

Friday 18 November 2011 2:35

Aha... wait, why we're your brother and his girlfriend not in their own room?

goingHARD_fml 0

Tuesday 6 December 2011 6:48

ohhh, I get it the sexy dream was that he woke up from a sexy dream, started masturbating then had a three some with his brothers girlfriend... gotcha

yaldo_fml 0

Thursday 8 December 2011 15:02

Courage wolf: stare them straight in the eyes till they go back to sleep

ferosogra 1

Monday 19 December 2011 20:27

Maybe they are still teens living with their parents, ever occur?

zaac15 2

Monday 18 June 2012 22:04

Check your surroundings before you vigorously **********?

sfgirljulez 7

Sunday 5 August 2012 2:42

So what its a guy masturbating ? Not the worst thing .

DubstepMasta 18

Monday 20 January 2014 5:46

Yes but it says he climbed off his bed NAKED right in front of his bro and his bros gf

2
3
4
5
6

Keywords

Love Break-ups Geek Technology Cute Cats Work Animals Facebook Grandparents Family Social Media Relatable Music Miscellaneous Food Scams Money Awkward Relationship advice Birthday School Photography Acting Health Parents Lonely Growing old Games Cheating

The Top

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 304

You deserved it 4 673

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 3 385

The Top

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 676

You deserved it 30 904

Today, it's been three months since i went to my GP for a swollen foot. She sent me to a rheumatologist, a pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, DNA testing and finally an X-ray, which revealed I've been walking around on a broken foot. By now, the two bones are grown together at weird angles, forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 182

You deserved it 2 078

Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting paper clips by size. I’m now in charge of doing the same thing in every office on our floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 130

Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 194

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 710

You deserved it 1 201

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 2 228