Wanker and Intimacy: Morning motivation - FML

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 189

You deserved it 53 413

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Same thing different taste

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 364

You deserved it 47 194

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 187

You deserved it 6 720

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 276

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Spicy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 3 990

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 3 884

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 228

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 16 590

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 040

You deserved it 9 040

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 432

You deserved it 4 199

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 1 089

Next

Top comments

alpuppy 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:41

I'm wondering...is it only weird because his girlfriend was there?

kellster 2

Monday 16 March 2009 1:32

Why the hell would you jerk off knowing your brother was in the room?? Much less, why so vigorously! Go take a shower or something jeez!

Comments

ami_me 10

Sunday 11 May 2014 2:19

It would be even more awkward if they think you were masturbating watching them!!

ginger196 14

Thursday 10 July 2014 21:30

you disgust me

nicole74 13

Thursday 5 February 2015 10:25

If you have a bunk bed you share on a regular basis, wouldn't you check it first, just in case? And why on earth wouldn't you brother suck it up and say something real quick before you got into it!

Drosophila82 18

Saturday 16 May 2015 7:40

Never seen so many ' you deserve it' on a post before!

measishouldbe 17

Friday 22 July 2016 17:53

Why was the brothers gf there anyways? What if they were the ones fooling around while op was sleeping in the top bunk?

Dr_Awesome654 24

Sunday 14 August 2016 22:09

1. HAHAHAHAHAHA! 2. Sucks to suck 3. Aw, that's awful! 4. *snooty comment pretending like I know something* 5. *actually intelligent comment*

Kaylana_fml 31

Sunday 18 September 2016 22:06

Dude, if you share a room with someone, exercise some self control and have some semblance of shame. YDI

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The Top

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 813

You deserved it 6 054

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 556

You deserved it 6 796

The Top

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 191

You deserved it 389

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year-old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year-old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 216

You deserved it 13 813

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 778

Today, after a necessary medical procedure that rendered my birth control ineffective, I found out I’m pregnant. I was already planning to break up with my manchild boyfriend, and when I told him this, his first response was, “What will my parents think?” Parents with whom he still lives at age 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 773

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 931

You deserved it 13 474

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 706

You deserved it 4 834