Nagging

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 268
You deserved it 57 456
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Top comments

shalizzz 0

And you thought it was ok for you to keep nagging him to propose to you while you were dating? Ugh! I know women like that.....the kind who believe that having a wedding ring on their finger is some sort of a life accomplishment so they keep hinting their boyfriends that they should get married.......they annoy me so much! How about having a bit of respect for yourself and value yourself as a woman, not as someone's wife! YDI.

147 4

Comments

shortmomma88 0

this is sad, but ydi for pestering him. if he had really wanted to propose to you and marry you, you wouldnt have had to nag him about it. get a divorce and move on, but take this lesson to heart.

9 1
Howdyplz 2

Should have kept your mouth shut. Did you ever stop your pestering to think that the fact he hadn't proposed yet was because he DIDN'T WANT TO? Mabye he was planning to break up when he found the courage, or at least wait until he knew if he wanted to marry you. YDI, all the way. And would you really want to force a guy to propose to you? That isn't romantic at all.

6 1
patticake1601 0

why would you nag a man into marrying you? because you were desperate to hook a guy, any guy and this is what you deserved. He didn't deserve it, but you cornered him and he didn't have the courage to stand up to you and say no. I feel bad for him. Hopefully now this will give him the push he needs to get out and you can go on and find a partner who actually wants to be with you. Don't force anything in life!!!

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nonynony 0

Yeah, I fail to see how the OP could possibly be surprised by this. You had to PESTER him to propose to you. Doesn't that suggest... that's the reason he did it? Am I missing something? How stupid can you be?

1 1
arissia 0

I hate people like this. If you pressure someone into something, they feel like they have no alternative. Why cant people just chill out and wait for things to happen on their own instead of forcing it to? You just end up miserable that way.

3 1
FerrariCake 2

This says a lot about you... apparently you really wanted to marry a guy who is so spineless that he couldn't just tell you "no", and married you instead. You deserve each other. The only FML here is for your kids, if you have any.

3 0
Jewelofagal 2

Just because he wasn't going to propose on his on doesn't mean he isn't happy that he married the OP. In my social circle when I was dating, I knew lots of women who's boyfriends seemed content to let their dating relationship go on and on and on indefinitely with no move to make it permanent. Many of the women finally had to tell these men that the end of the relationship road was coming soon unless they made a commitment with a ring and a wedding date. If, after all that time of dating, the men didn't want to get married, the women didn't want to waste any more time. It's not that the women were harrigans. It's just that they knew what they wanted and needed and, if the men couldn't provide, it was time for them to move on to men who would meet those wants/needs. It worked out well as all but one of these couples as the majority have now been married nearly 20 years each and are as happy as clams.

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ishah 9

I think what your friends did in that situation is perfectly reasonable but it doesn't sound like what the OP did. Saying, "If you're not going to marry me, we're going to have to break up, because I want to get married and not spend my life in limbo" is different from "honey, why haven't you proposed? Marry me! Propose! Propose!" One of them is a choice, and the woman laying out that choice is prepared for him to choose breaking up. The other one is just a constant nagging and the woman doing it doesn't expect anything but that he will give in to her and propose. From the verb 'pester', I suspect that OP was the second woman, and if so, YDI. Nagging NEVER turns out well.

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lostfaithinpppl 19

#45, then your friends should have asked themselves if they were actually in love with their SO's or with the possibility of getting married to them? Since when does one need a ring and a stamp to be happy in a relationship? If you love someone then it shouldn't matter if you are married to them or not. I could never understand subscribing to this school of thought "if you marry me then I'll love you forever, otherwise I don't love you anymore". It's not like an ultimate goal of a relationship is to have a ring on your finger, so you can parade it all around.

1 3
talaina 2

The thing is that a lot of people DO aim for that goal, after a point. While I don't look to marry every guy I ever date, ultimately, I know that I want to be married (yes, some people do like to make it official) and have a family. Obviously you don't rush into that, but if I were to reach a certain age, and had been with my SO for a long time (say, several years), and saw no forward motion, I would want to know if it was going anywhere, because if my SO had no intention to get married ever, it would be time for me to move on to someone with the same goals that I have. The ultimate goal of a relationship isn't to parade a ring around, and it's not always marriage, but yes, for some people the ultimate goal IS a committed, lifelong relationship.

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lostfaithinpppl 19

#81, a committed lifelong relationship does not have to mean marriage. Plenty of couples have that kind of commitment without a marriage proposal.

4 1
callmecourtney 3

#82; I can see the point that #81 makes as I feel the same way. I want to be married with a family. Couples may get along fine without a marriage proposal -and that's great! I'm happy for them and respect their decisions! - but it is something that I, personally, would like to have. Since I am unmarried, I cannot say that I would make the ultimatum of marriage or bust, but it is not wrong to want to be on the same page with your SOs. It is not wrong to want a marriage, just like it isn't wrong to not want a marriage.

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LilaBear 1

I totally support #81. Just because she wants to get married doesn't mean she's saying everyone has to. But she wants to, and if she's been with a guy for a long time and it doesn't seem like he's going to make the next step, then she'd have to find out whether he ever intends to, and if he doesn't, then yes it's time for her to move on. #82, I think you missed the bit where #81 said "it's not always marriage".

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programme 0

I sure hope you're getting divorced. Stick your head out of the clouds and find a man who wants you back.

0 3
babelini 12

dont blame the husband. maybe the OP threatened to kill herself or something bad like that. and sometimes there are really nice men out there, and no, that does not mean he has no balls/coward. he is just a nice guy unfortunate enough to meet a selfish bitch. my neighbour threatened to burn her husband's mom's house if he divorced her, and to show she was serious, she actually set a tree in his mom's garden on fire. overboard and crazy, i know but maybe OP is just as crazy?

2 0
nygirl8302 0

Don't make the husband out to be the victim, here. Sure, she's an idiot, but no one can force you to marry someone. He chose. He's a big boy.

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