Intimacy: New laws

New laws

By Andrew - 23/08/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 232

You deserved it 6 408

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Same thing different taste

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 588

You deserved it 2 570

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 2 122

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 22:59 - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 579

You deserved it 5 036

Social reform, please

By Pepsi - 06/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 155

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 2 546

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 3 118

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 2 543

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 487

You deserved it 3 697

No contact from now on

By lordoftheweird - 13/08/2023 08:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my family why using a registered sex offender as a babysitter is a bad idea. They didn't understand and now my grandmother can't see her grandkids, and my dad is facing a lengthy prison sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 90

oops_im_fucked 8

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

Vote Op's grandpa!!! 2012!!!

iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

I'm going to get myself a bumper sticker that says "OP's grandpa 2012".

Comments

sparty12 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:24

approval of this logic is overwhelming. why has it not yet come into action?

lizthebiz 0

Wednesday 24 August 2011 15:43

He's genius! excellent ideas!!!

cjsavage84 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:22

I think ur pa is brilliant!!! U should be proud not ridiculing him!

southerngalslove 15

Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:27

that's the best idea I've ever heard.

Dezteny 5

Wednesday 24 August 2011 17:35

I love your Grandpa!

jokerjak5 4

Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:46

I'd vote for this guy.

lilovatch 4

Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:28

Gramps know best ^_^

eller13469 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:29

Why is that an fml??? Ops grandaddys for 2012!!!!!!

lizzieislovely 11

Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:39

Badass. Wish that was my Grandad.

KayleeFrye 39

Wednesday 24 August 2011 19:49

I'm sorry, but I'm totally failing to see the problem here.

Keywords

Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Love Awkward Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Music Grieving Social Media Anniversary Boredom Ironic Intimacy Abuse Drunk AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 181

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, to my surprise, my girlfriend accepted to try bondage, despite not being particularly turned on by it. I understood why when, after she firmly tied me up to the bed, she ate 80% of the two-person cake we bought for dinner. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 327

Today, I was watching TV in my living room while my wife was cooking. I began to smell the aroma of her potato soup, which made me hungry. Suddenly, I realized that the smell wasn't my wife's cooking but was in fact my body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 383

You deserved it 42 058

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 162

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 097

You deserved it 55 533

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 438

You deserved it 3 149

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 507

You deserved it 9 008

New laws

Same thing different taste

Social reform, please

No contact from now on

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