Intimacy and Sex: New skills - FML

New skills

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 1 202

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 6 407

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 181

You deserved it 27 961

By unsatisfied - 09/02/2010 03:33 - France

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 464

You deserved it 5 362

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 391

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Spicy

Today, I learned that I don’t need to fake my orgasms, even though I’ve never been given one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 732

You deserved it 9 182

Hashtag Not All Men, but quite a few, eh?

By Anonymous - 30/10/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Spicy

Today, I was having some fun with a guy, but I had to fake orgasm twice just so he would get out of me it was that shit. Third guy in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 1 140

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 982

You deserved it 3 073

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 11 365

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 900

You deserved it 14 071

Next

Top comments

bobsanction 18

Sunday 27 September 2020 8:04

Instead of fake orgasms, try real communication.

icalledhisname 12

Sunday 27 September 2020 15:24

No one should ever fake an ****** for any reason. Either you need to get off or you don’t. It’s possible to enjoy sex without an ******. The best sex I ever had was with a partner where neither of us ever got off, it was about being in the moment. Communication is everything, don’t learn to have sex badly like that, you’re setting yourself up for a very unfulfilling sex life when it can and should be soooo good. If you WANT an ******, you just really need to find what you like to do to make it happen.

Comments

wrenavery90 12

Saturday 28 May 2022 23:46

No. Absolutely no. Do not do that again. He'll never get better if he thinks you're completely pleased. Please speak up. Or guide him. Something.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 3 817

Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 1 091

The Top

Today, and every day for the past 3 years, my daughter has consistently woken me up throughout the night to nurse. Bonus? She’s up by 7:00am in the morning and falls asleep around 10pm and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. I’m mentally and physically drained, and exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 785

Today, we discovered that our wedding licence from 7 years ago is a complete fake. I don’t get it: we were married in a church by a priest, we got all our paperwork filed with the city council, but our certificate is apparently a fake someone made on a computer, and they got the date wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 90

Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English class "David" instead of "Dylan". Without thinking, I said, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot of d's in my life!". All of my students broke out in mortified laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 985

You deserved it 1 098

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 17 305

Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 765

You deserved it 365

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 9 076