Intimacy: Noob

FML for mobile
Free

Noob

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 17:08 - Denmark - Randers

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 901

You deserved it 6 056

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By what the fuck - 07/06/2013 21:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 834

You deserved it 9 995

Wild allegation

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 374

You deserved it 7 351

Not a Bio major

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 134

You deserved it 8 141

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 331

You deserved it 5 470

Awww Sweaty, don't worry

By sopheeah - 29/05/2012 07:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 546

You deserved it 2 931

By noneedtostress - 17/03/2012 15:52 - Australia

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 888

You deserved it 10 483

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 01/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 804

You deserved it 6 557

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 1 178

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 681

You deserved it 89 302

crackyeggy 9

Tuesday 12 May 2015 0:06

If you had sex this week it's possible. Sperm lives in the body for a lot longer than you'd expect.

gearhead369 20

Tuesday 12 May 2015 0:04

Sex education was lost on this poor soul

Comments

gintwinsmoore 20

Tuesday 12 May 2015 4:17

he need remedial sex ed classes...

toriaraek10 2

Tuesday 12 May 2015 4:29

Sperm can live up to five days and they don't go in the uterus until about 7-12 days AFTER fertilizing an egg (it takes that long for the fertilized egg to travel through the Fallopian tubes). Once it enter the uterus it takes about 48hr for "implantation" to occur which can cause cramping and even implantation bleeding in 30% of pregnancies. Some of you people really should not be having sex with your level mof knowledge about the reproductive system.

Makifun 19

Tuesday 12 May 2015 4:32

I feel you...

toriaraek10 2

Tuesday 12 May 2015 4:33

They can get pregnant if they had unprotected intercourse in the five days before ovulation occurs and for 24-36hrs after ovulation. Then the fertilized egg will travel through the Fallopian tubes for 7-12 days before implanting (burrowing into the uterine wall) in the uterus. The "pill" stops the female body from releasing an egg to be fertilized. If you miss one pill you are probably okay, miss two or more and you need to use condoms or another form of birth control for the rest of this cycle (until her period) and then again for the whole next cycle bc it takes birth control at least one full cycle to become full effective.