Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 316

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 806

You deserved it 7 174

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 5 938

He's still a very good boy

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 813

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 682

You deserved it 9 394

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 085

You deserved it 8 762

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 1 212

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 690

You deserved it 4 147

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 808

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

chance16 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:18

Atleast we know the dogs smarter then the owner cause normally they sit an stare at u not the other way around did u sniff his butt to?

KatieKupcake4195 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:53

That bored, huh? I suggest watching a movie or taking a nap or exercising or talking on the phone or watch tv or go out next time you're that bored

aljen90 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:00

I'm starting to wonder how bright people are when I read their FML's

daisymae18 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:56

I think this is cute :')

DrNuggetcase 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:10

There can only be one Caesar Milan!!

Epiqness 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:12

You a blonde?

jaclynrose15 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:14

Uh... I think it's time you go see a physiatrist

BlAzEtHiS 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:25

You sir, need a life.

ch3s 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:29

I don't see a problem here...

alexroa50 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:30

Did you get it?

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 2 157

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 1 050

The Top

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 14 210

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 245

You deserved it 3 538

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 192

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 262

You deserved it 17 914

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 923

You deserved it 18 491

Today, I was talking to someone on the phone, and then I panicked because I couldn't find it, searching for it while speaking on the phone, asking them to call it. It wasn't until they started laughing did I realise that it was up against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 438