Sex and Intimacy: Oh yessss

Oh yessss

By Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 787

You deserved it 10 731

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Same thing different taste

Sexy!

By troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 864

You deserved it 9 569

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 427

You deserved it 26 491

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 4 102

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 481

You deserved it 6 148

Heartless swine

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 025

You deserved it 4 392

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 572

You deserved it 4 582

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 944

You deserved it 9 090

Major romcom vibes

By staciedee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 556

You deserved it 5 021

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 405

You deserved it 4 241

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 963

You deserved it 6 539

coltsrock37 15

Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

that'll spike up his sex drive

dre_bro11 12

Friday 29 July 2011 16:09

ouch! three-way with the cactus?

Comments

StarshipRanger 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 8:43

Too bad it wasn't your SECOND favorite cactus...

DChico 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 8:45

Oh no!!! Is the cactus ok?

TheNameIsCam 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 8:59

you seem more concerned for the cactus

amazinggbaby 2

Saturday 30 July 2011 9:30

Why do you have a shelf behind your bed..?

beckham23_fml 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 9:59

WTF is this? Twilight?????

jermy94 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 12:05

Fyl

sean1dan 10

Saturday 30 July 2011 12:34

I wonder if he liked it rough or not. lmao

AllForMyGirl 3

Saturday 30 July 2011 12:56

Fyl and his face XD you should post a sequel fml to this one about how the break up that followed went lol

IGotNippleRings 4

Saturday 30 July 2011 13:35

Is the cactus alright? Lol

harviss12 8

Saturday 30 July 2011 14:55

have fun explaining that one

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Fat Customers Am I overreacting? Love Social Media Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward

The Top

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 5 265

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 781

You deserved it 5 987

The Top

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 533

You deserved it 5 583

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 075

You deserved it 8 935

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 684

You deserved it 4 436

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 848

You deserved it 1 437

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 761

You deserved it 5 274

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 936

You deserved it 4 357