Intimacy: Outdoorsy

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 823

You deserved it 7 234

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Same thing different taste

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 408

You deserved it 9 335

Close call

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 170

Bear with me

By bear food - 08/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 736

You deserved it 5 549

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 5 352

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 205

By Noname - 14/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 891

You deserved it 11 788

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 52 003

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 522

Out in the wild

By Welpthatwasfast - 10/06/2016 07:57

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 452

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 589

You deserved it 4 252

beccaishereyay 11

Thursday 22 March 2012 8:46

Doesn't matter, had sex

mama2b3 20

Thursday 22 March 2012 8:49

Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!

Comments

vi3tno_romeo 5

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:19

U guys are real animals huh?..the woods uno..jheez

Azail 15

Thursday 22 March 2012 14:27

I'm guessing this comment above me is making grammar nazis cry right about now.

False_Stupidity 41

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:23

Well you can say you had a bear behind!

BrownSugar10940 2

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:27

Life sucks in any situation but I guess u sort of got it in

charisma797 5

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:29

You can't have sex in the woods, the scent attracts bears....but you know that now.

LennyComa 39

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:33

Do bears actually roar...I'm sure they sorta barked, anyways if true YDI for ******* in a bears toilet

Crazberry 5

Thursday 22 March 2012 12:23

Yes, when I was living out in the sticks and going for walks I always feared hearing the terrifying bark of a bear. City kid...

purplethunder 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 10:44

Still counts ;)

yuzuhere 21

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:34

Was it a Carebear?!

DocBastard 38

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:44

Oh give it a rest. If a 14 year old girl doesn't know what sex is, she's been living in a cave or under a rock. Fourteen is too young to HAVE sex, but definitely not too young to know or comment about it.

BlackBlazeCobra 16

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:51

The smell of sweat to a hear can smell like fresh meat. You are lucky you weren't mauled.

BlackBlazeCobra 16

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:57

*bear

j_cat187 19

Thursday 22 March 2012 14:18

Wtf is a hear?

Crazberry 5

Thursday 22 March 2012 12:21

Lol isn't "bear" a term for a big, fuzzy gay man? And another question, who was on top? Because it might have been amazing for you but not for her if there wasn't a blanket...