Intimacy: Outdoorsy

Outdoorsy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 823

You deserved it 7 234

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Same thing different taste

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 408

You deserved it 9 335

Close call

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 170

Bear with me

By bear food - 08/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 736

You deserved it 5 549

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 5 352

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 205

By Noname - 14/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 891

You deserved it 11 788

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 52 003

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 522

Out in the wild

By Welpthatwasfast - 10/06/2016 07:57

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 452

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 589

You deserved it 4 252

beccaishereyay 11

Thursday 22 March 2012 8:46

Doesn't matter, had sex

mama2b3 20

Thursday 22 March 2012 8:49

Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!

Comments

icey0796 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 13:52

Bears. Beets. Battle-Star Galactica.

RedCamaro10 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 14:43

Bear says: "Hey! You can't do that in my yard!"

nathantcash 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 15:09

I've had sex while camping before. It was ******* In Tents!

redcan3 5

Thursday 22 March 2012 15:38

This is fake. Bears don't roar.

james3458 3

Thursday 22 March 2012 15:45

so I was with my girlfriend in the woods and I was going to totally bone her but then a bear showed up and she said there was noooo way...

FalconCrunch 4

Thursday 22 March 2012 16:06

Only in Kentucky.

bikerchick1990 4

Thursday 22 March 2012 16:10

Dang! My bf, brother and my brothers friends are going to Colorado this weekend does that mean no sex with my bf out in the woods?

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:38

Did the bear have binoculars and a van with a "free candy" sign painted on it?

klovemachine 24

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:48

Doesn't matter had sex;)

jackeechan 10

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:51

That disturbs me

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The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 097

You deserved it 7 572

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 087

You deserved it 3 097

The Top

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 748

You deserved it 7 409

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 778

You deserved it 4 667

Today, my husband moved out while I was out of town. The only thing of his he left behind was a copy of Paradise Lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 144

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 4 561

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 226

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 110

You deserved it 476