Miscellaneous: Peckish

Peckish

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 634

You deserved it 42 706

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 942

By Cookie - 22/12/2011 18:11 - South Africa

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 733

You deserved it 8 522

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 40 679

Sabotage!

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 1 686

Paperweight

By caramelkarma - 15/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 271

You deserved it 65 683

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 8 531

Fight club

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 810

You deserved it 1 386

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 437

By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/02/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 733

You deserved it 2 041

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 70 205

Enslaved 36

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:08

You ate BOB!!!

mara56780 1

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:07

Yummy?

Comments

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:50

That must have been pretty choke-y going down. I'm just happy you didn't try to toast it.

medichick 5

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:55

One of the funniest things I've heard in a Long time!!! Lol

perdix 29

Friday 20 July 2012 0:00

And your mom was pissed because you're not sponge-worthy.

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 20 July 2012 0:02

At that stage of drunkenness, anyone should be treated like a kid.

SimplyEerb 3

Friday 20 July 2012 0:03

Good source of calcium!

angel5242 0

Friday 20 July 2012 0:09

What beer does lol

Eiregal2 10

Friday 20 July 2012 0:10

ah.the wonder that is the mammy! no matter how drunk you are or hungover and sick going are,she will always find it in her heart to drag you out of your warm bed with the lovely pillows to bring to the scene of spongebobs murder. all together now! " we love you mama!"

DylansMomma 9

Friday 20 July 2012 0:11

Please tell me you owned up to it, instead of saying something like, "YOLO Mom"

Dracoboxer357 35

Friday 20 July 2012 3:47

65- I don't think blaming it on the dog would work this time, being buttered and all. Owning it at that point would be the only option left, I would think. ;) ps: Your son is adorable. :)

VooDooCarrie91 19

Friday 20 July 2012 0:15

At least you will have squeaky clean insides!

MissAmz 7

Friday 20 July 2012 0:17

OP, just how drunk were you? Unless you have some very tough, weird bread and/ or soft, shitty sponges, you'd probably still be able to tell the difference. I know if I tried to eat a sponge, I probably wouldn't be able to successfully sink my teeth in, chew and swallow.