Miscellaneous: Peckish

Peckish

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 634

You deserved it 42 706

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 942

By Cookie - 22/12/2011 18:11 - South Africa

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 733

You deserved it 8 522

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 40 679

Sabotage!

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 1 686

Paperweight

By caramelkarma - 15/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 271

You deserved it 65 683

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 8 531

Fight club

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 810

You deserved it 1 386

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 437

By AnastasiyaNicholas - 18/02/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 733

You deserved it 2 041

LANGUAGE, SON!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 70 205

Enslaved 36

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:08

You ate BOB!!!

mara56780 1

Thursday 19 July 2012 23:07

Yummy?

Comments

WithinEPICA 4

Friday 20 July 2012 3:04

this really killed me.. lmfao

RicardoAPerez 0

Friday 20 July 2012 3:13

Wouldnt have happened if you had smoked weed.

holeyman 8

Friday 20 July 2012 4:50

He would've eaten 10 sponges

rcgirl2 11

Friday 20 July 2012 3:47

You ate Spongebob! What. What have you done?

ArielTheMermaid 17

Friday 20 July 2012 3:57

You ate Spongebob?!

lelo007 11

Friday 20 July 2012 4:43

You must have some teeth of steel to successfully chew and swallow a sponge.. Drunk or not, that seems like a tough thing to do right there.

dead_insects 18

Friday 20 July 2012 8:50

I was thinking the same thing! I would literally have to TEAR at it just to bite a piece off, that's impressive!

sexynarwhal 6

Friday 20 July 2012 5:19

oh god i loled

mrnuleef 7

Friday 20 July 2012 5:19

Well... At least you didnt take two sponges, sandwich meat and condiments for a whole sandwich. Your mom and stomach would be pissed!

MistaKrista 8

Friday 20 July 2012 5:23

There's also the chance of underage drinking.

loyeah 10

Friday 20 July 2012 5:36

it was on vmv (french fml) quite a while back.

pbol9876 6

Friday 20 July 2012 5:50

Definite LOL

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The Top

Today, my husband thought I was still asleep while he was getting ready for work. How do I know? I watched him grab a condom out of his nightstand and put it in his lunchbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 86

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 303

The Top

Life is just one giant storm sometimes!

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 126

Today, after my dad told me to sign my daughter up for expensive dance lessons as a birthday present, and she was ecstatic and very dedicated, I asked him for the payment for this month. He replied, "Oh, she wanted more than one lesson?" Now she won’t stop crying and I have no way to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 143

Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 097

You deserved it 460

Today, I found out my wife of 19 years has been cheating on me. She told me that all the "cheating music" that she's been playing the last year and a half should've been a good enough hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 105

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 333

You deserved it 20 424

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 5 573