Miscellaneous and Drunk: Pissed

Pissed

By whoops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 2 514

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 281

You deserved it 17 994

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 33 801

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 649

By ojskyguy - 11/10/2014 23:04 - United States - Pearl

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 351

You deserved it 8 965

Bad day

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I looked up 8 videos, questioned my entire existence, actually hurt myself, and cried profusely trying to open a bottle of wine. Just in case anyone thought I was smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 358

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 7 172

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 972

You deserved it 43 643

By Olorin - 07/11/2011 20:49 - Germany

Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 861

You deserved it 5 782

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 556

You deserved it 1 610

By laststand11 - 26/12/2011 01:35 - Reserved

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 790

You deserved it 2 656

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 April 2017 22:57

They'll love this story at your first AA meeting.

dramaelf 37

Thursday 6 April 2017 23:30

Well I've done that when sober, so don't feel too bad

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 April 2017 22:57

They'll love this story at your first AA meeting.

dramaelf 37

Thursday 6 April 2017 23:30

Well I've done that when sober, so don't feel too bad

LostInTheZone11 29

Friday 7 April 2017 1:52

*Smashes beer open with gavel.* "Oh wait it was a twist off." *Drinks beer.* Homer Simpson

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 8 April 2017 16:47

If you were that drunk, you didn't need that wine anyway.

JackWood 20

Tuesday 2 July 2024 4:15

Self limiting behavior, send it buddy.

Linda Graber 12

Tuesday 2 July 2024 6:44

You are not alone on this.

Keywords

Neighbours Miscellaneous Awkward Wanker Halloween Lonely Love Party Jealousy Family Argument Fight Cats Animals Parents Health Embarrassing Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks YouTube TikTok Cute Dogs AITA Work

The Top

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 1 935

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 156

You deserved it 6 146

The Top

Today, I know my ex has spoiled our daughter. How do I know this? Because I got her a low level job at the same company as me, got her first paycheck and legit asked me, “Is that it? Where’s the rest of my money?” What rest of her money? That’s her wages for a months work. Curse my rich ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 215

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 036

You deserved it 2 960

Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 348

You deserved it 2 474

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 079

You deserved it 2 920

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 304

You deserved it 3 445

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 859

You deserved it 1 870