Work: Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for...

By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 33 801

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Same thing different taste

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 281

You deserved it 17 994

Pissed

By whoops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 2 514

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 523

You deserved it 447

Stop embarrassing me!

By Anonymous - 19/05/2023 15:00

Today, I discovered I don’t even have the dexterity to screw the cap back onto a bottle of soda without dropping it. Not only that, but mother saw the need to point it out and laugh at me, so people around us in the store stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 131

By ojskyguy - 11/10/2014 23:04 - United States - Pearl

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 351

You deserved it 8 965

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 768

You deserved it 3 478

Fragile

By lithium-dreams - 16/07/2022 22:00

Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 159

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 116

You deserved it 11 045

By tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 480

You deserved it 29 792

By isuckasawaitress - 12/12/2011 17:08 - Singapore

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 887

You deserved it 5 202

zebraface123 6

Friday 27 April 2012 5:07

nipples in my face gonna save the human race

msgreenneyes 0

Monday 16 February 2009 7:32

hahahhahahah dont worry about it i work at an italian resturant and it happens to me all the time

Comments

ZING_MASTER 0

Monday 16 February 2009 0:32

So... you're an idiot.

msgreenneyes 0

Monday 16 February 2009 7:32

hahahhahahah dont worry about it i work at an italian resturant and it happens to me all the time

zebraface123 6

Friday 27 April 2012 5:07

nipples in my face gonna save the human race

Dimaranien 1

Friday 20 March 2009 2:55

haha phailboat.

lifegrdlover 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 17:27

lmao hahahahahhah that's hysterical if i were those people i wouldn't have told you :-P

australiaaaa 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 0:24

lmao story of my life, i always assume its cork, so i stick the corkscrew in. takes me at least a minute to realize its a twist off :X

RatIsKing 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 4:01

ahahahaha! that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard XD

shiznutmuffin 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 6:28

this is more of an mlia

airforce987 20

Tuesday 9 March 2010 19:27

exactly what I thought!

colts609380 7

Thursday 24 June 2010 5:53

2 min isn't that long

Ikz_Hustler 9

Friday 25 February 2011 22:42

I think 13's high. I can't believe you struggled for a WHOLE 2 MINUTES before you clocked LOL :)))

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The Top

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 289

You deserved it 3 800

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 250

You deserved it 4 328

The Top

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 769

You deserved it 4 541

Today, I found I'd inherited money through the death of my childless aunt, enough to be debt free and pay my entire mortgage. My cheating ex girlfriend found out and is demanding half, since my aunt died when we were still living together under common law. She’s getting solicitors involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 119

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 746

You deserved it 2 840

Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 544

You deserved it 4 519

Today, my 6”8 boyfriend is scared to death of his 5”2 mother to the point where it’s not funny, it’s quite concerning. He dropped a full pan of chilli in our house and cleaned it so obsessively in case his mom found out, in our house. I’m almost afraid to ask what went on in his childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 160

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 116

You deserved it 1 448