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By sillybrohos - 15/02/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 313

You deserved it 33 806

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Same thing different taste

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 289

You deserved it 17 999

Pissed

By whoops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 2 524

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 449

Stop embarrassing me!

By Anonymous - 19/05/2023 15:00

Today, I discovered I don’t even have the dexterity to screw the cap back onto a bottle of soda without dropping it. Not only that, but mother saw the need to point it out and laugh at me, so people around us in the store stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 134

By ojskyguy - 11/10/2014 23:04 - United States - Pearl

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 354

You deserved it 8 969

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 3 482

Connaisseur

By Anonymous - 06/01/2025 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 730

Fragile

By lithium-dreams - 16/07/2022 22:00

Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 162

Wine buffs

By ThatWineGuy - 23/12/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 933

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 118

You deserved it 11 054

zebraface123 6

Friday 27 April 2012 5:07

nipples in my face gonna save the human race

msgreenneyes 0

Monday 16 February 2009 7:32

hahahhahahah dont worry about it i work at an italian resturant and it happens to me all the time

Comments

ZING_MASTER 0

Monday 16 February 2009 0:32

So... you're an idiot.

msgreenneyes 0

Monday 16 February 2009 7:32

hahahhahahah dont worry about it i work at an italian resturant and it happens to me all the time

zebraface123 6

Friday 27 April 2012 5:07

nipples in my face gonna save the human race

Dimaranien 1

Friday 20 March 2009 2:55

haha phailboat.

lifegrdlover 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 17:27

lmao hahahahahhah that's hysterical if i were those people i wouldn't have told you :-P

australiaaaa 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 0:24

lmao story of my life, i always assume its cork, so i stick the corkscrew in. takes me at least a minute to realize its a twist off :X

RatIsKing 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 4:01

ahahahaha! that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard XD

shiznutmuffin 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 6:28

this is more of an mlia

airforce987 20

Tuesday 9 March 2010 19:27

exactly what I thought!

colts609380 7

Thursday 24 June 2010 5:53

2 min isn't that long

Ikz_Hustler 9

Friday 25 February 2011 22:42

I think 13's high. I can't believe you struggled for a WHOLE 2 MINUTES before you clocked LOL :)))

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 492

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 605

You deserved it 101 331

The Top

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 105

You deserved it 4 425

Today, I decided it was a good day to get my first tattoo since turning 18. Today, my parents decided it was a good day to make me homeless, because they are religious nutjobs that still live in the 19th century. Oh, and they’re no longer paying for my tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 295

Today, my family and I are driving down to France and it's going to take 4 hours. If that wasn't bad enough, my mum decides that she is going to listen to the CD my sister bought her for Christmas on repeat for the whole journey. It's Lady Gaga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 037

You deserved it 9 267

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 169

You deserved it 743

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 306

You deserved it 736

Today, at dinner, I stumbled over the words of the prayer and my dad is now convinced I’m losing interest in my religious responsibilities. To “bring me back to the Lord” he is trying to force me to break up with my girlfriend and quit the rugby team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 145