Intimacy: Pranked

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 847

You deserved it 4 496

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Same thing different taste

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 172

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 4 732

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 40 629

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 8 430

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 613

You deserved it 91 021

Deep sleep

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 862

You deserved it 9 860

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 4 863

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

By mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 908

buck33 14

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:25

What the he'll is wrong with her

Comments

nathantcash 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:29

Break up with her

lianneg 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:30

Actually she wont live this down. Think about it...ur physco girlfriend tried to chop ur nuts off in ur sleep.

SouthernPride95 19

Sunday 22 April 2012 16:19

Actually it was his penis

legend570 1

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:30

I'd defiantly break up with her for that

AceArctic 4

Sunday 22 April 2012 3:35

You'd defiantly break up with her? You rebel!

bitch_pleez 10

Sunday 22 April 2012 3:40

Isn't breaking up already kind of an act of defiance? "bitch I will defiantly perform a defiant act because youre a psycho"

williamcarter93 13

Sunday 22 April 2012 4:19

Yes! Defiantly tell her, "YOU SHALL IMPERIL MY PENIS NO LONGER!!!"

russfml 31

Sunday 22 April 2012 18:27

I think he means definitely for some reason, just makes more sense lol

ShelbyGray 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:31

Sounds kind of kinky.

phatdaddy62 23

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:40

I've done hella kinky, but this is kinky I think I could live without!

ShelbyGray 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 3:39

Haha

MidnaLink 33

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:16

You a freak, aint'cha

ShelbyGray 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 5:36

Nahhhh

julien672 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 6:45

In a sick, twisted, potentially genital-removing way? Just a bit.

GroovyGravy 7

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:31

Nothing like waking up in the morning with fresh cut sausage for breakfast.

theevilduchess 12

Sunday 22 April 2012 2:32

She's a keeper! *sarcasm*

sweetpea41800 0

Sunday 22 April 2012 3:02

You don't say?!?!?

theevilduchess 12

Sunday 22 April 2012 7:20

Too many people have to ask if someone is being sarcastic. So I tagged that on there for those who didn't quite understand. Not everyone is as awesome as you.... Once again, sarcasm.