Reading skills

By yudencow - 18/09/2019 18:00

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 177

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 263

You deserved it 7 806

Help!

By technicallywroteabook - 21/08/2015 05:15 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 099

You deserved it 17 390

By fack - 26/11/2013 18:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 545

You deserved it 10 181

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 3 909

By Anonymous - 19/04/2012 04:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 4 656

By snappyPi - 28/01/2011 06:21

Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 126

You deserved it 5 714

By sobasics - 06/05/2013 23:43 - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 433

You deserved it 3 721

By katrina2d - 27/01/2015 05:43 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 207

You deserved it 29 676

Pay no mind

By Jlhfan90 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 196

You deserved it 19 430

NOISY PEOPLE

By Help me - 22/01/2023 02:30

Today, I posted a meme which said "I don't know where some people learned their inside voices, but it must have been in a helicopter with running chainsaws." My mom laughed at it. I didn't have the strength nor the bravery to tell her that it was meant for her. Then my dad laughed at it. It was also meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 240

0neiros 14

Friday 20 September 2019 18:18

Mmmmmm...Veal.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 18 September 2019 18:56

Your first book? Congratulations! I hope your parents were suitably impressed that you stayed inside the lines and chose the right colors! Go, you!

0neiros 14

Friday 20 September 2019 18:18

Mmmmmm...Veal.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 281

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “Want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 606

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The Top

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 279

You deserved it 8 678

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 349

You deserved it 31 523

Today, I received a short happy birthday message from my father. He’s never been one to show affection, and I haven’t spoken to him in months since he only reaches out to ask for money. This might have given me hope that he cares or wants a relationship with me. Except… it’s not my birthday, and I don’t think he knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 104

Today, we can finally order badly needed safety gear for my crew. My boss flipped his shit, demanding that I "stop bringing it up, it's annoying" for doing my damndest to keep up with industry standards. I was brought to tears for literally doing my job, with no "peers" to back me, since I'm an HR department of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 132

Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML

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You deserved it 156

What happens next to the poor fisherman dude? Check out the video find out.

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You deserved it 170