Sex, Gross and Intimacy: Salad days

Salad days

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 677

You deserved it 5 186

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 583

You deserved it 6 645

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 8 133

I'll bite

By Loser - 29/06/2018 13:30 - United States - Winona

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 470

You deserved it 712

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 263

You deserved it 7 806

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 11:17 - Canada

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 25/06/2011 20:39 - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 075

You deserved it 4 238

Experimental cuisine

By Nicky - 16/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was washing a sink full of lettuce that I'd grown, which had been in the hot sun. My husband was preparing fish for dinner and took all the juices that had drained off the raw fish, reached over my shoulder, and dumped the juice on my lettuce. I asked if that was the fish juice. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 101

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 3 607

Confused?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 623

You deserved it 6 039

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 554

You deserved it 1 155

dweeds508 24

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

How would anyone deserve this??

hallix 21

Friday 5 July 2013 2:33

Well, looks like you'll be skipping the sushi date for their anniversary.

Comments

twinkiefeets 17

Friday 5 July 2013 2:51

This fml would have been better if op was eating a fish taco.

buckdharma 37

Friday 5 July 2013 3:03

Oh my cod, eel... I can imagine her floundering about while he screams" wahoo." He's got no sole and I feel really shad for you.

KiddoKS 19

Friday 5 July 2013 3:12

Your father is a cunning linguist!

zen1979 16

Friday 5 July 2013 4:43

And NOT because he speaks a second language *wink wink*

jooyuschase 5

Friday 5 July 2013 19:56

cunting linguist.

17This_Is_Me17 8

Friday 5 July 2013 3:19

Well , your father's not ashamed .. I wonder if your mother was 'open' to this conversation ?

trbuson 11

Friday 5 July 2013 3:44

At least the father didn't say anything about salads.

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 5 July 2013 3:50

Yeah, that would have tossed in a whole other yuuch factor.

lininnes 6

Friday 5 July 2013 3:46

Damn, I was always wondering why mom asked dad how abt salmon for tonight dad said yes, yet there were no salmon served on dinner table. I think I just figure it out after this fml. FML

evan_7899 28

Wednesday 31 July 2013 1:32

well at lease you didnt find out earlier in life... now you can tolerate it more

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 5 July 2013 3:47

Now that's funny!

brittyboo123 35

Friday 5 July 2013 3:50

Gotta love your parents, ey?

perdix 29

Friday 5 July 2013 22:53

#28, yep, it's one of the Ten Commandments.

MisterEx 28

Friday 5 July 2013 4:07

Still pink after all these years? I would also like to apologize for the haunting image I just printed in your brain right this second.

perdix 29

Friday 5 July 2013 4:15

Let's hope tossed salad wasn't also on the menu. You won't be able to ever eat salad, kiss your mom, or look at your dad's ass again.

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 5 July 2013 4:26

If the dad is already down there, I would think the salad being tossed is the mom's...

trbuson 11

Friday 5 July 2013 4:32

#34 Never heard of 69?

graceinsheepwear 33

Friday 5 July 2013 4:47

Of course, but he specifically referred to the mom's mouth and the dad's ass, and I was commenting on that.

trbuson 11

Friday 5 July 2013 4:59

Both parties can be the recipient of a salad tossing. I just hope neither of them find any croutons.

perdix 29

Friday 5 July 2013 5:11

#41, #42, it really could have been done either way. I was thinking since the dad grossed out the OP with "the other pink meat," it would have been worse if the mom chimed in about tossed salad. Let's just hope that tomorrow's breakfast doesn't feature Boston Pancakes.