Intimacy: Saucy

Saucy

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 459

You deserved it 25 927

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Same thing different taste

By public pooper - 25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 15 240

By Ace - 01/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 852

You deserved it 1 805

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 1 521

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 391

You deserved it 8 831

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 287

You deserved it 3 748

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 8 886

Good for you

By denied - 11/08/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 123

You deserved it 8 877

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 974

You deserved it 57 468

Nice try

By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 417

You deserved it 31 992

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 911

craze189 0

Friday 8 January 2010 16:50

ydi for texting anyone that you have "explosive diarreah". FHL for having to read it.

spank_u_veryhard 0

Friday 8 January 2010 16:35

maybe he has a shit fetish lmao response back from him: I'm skipping baseball practice. I'll be right over...

Comments

im_kinda_gay 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:54

AHAHA ew. ;P

k2cool_87 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:54

god damn girl!!!

steveman 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

EvilCupcake8361 9

Monday 14 November 2011 6:12

cool story, bro

VittiChan 2

Friday 8 January 2010 12:09

ouch. I geuss bye bye him. lol. X3

itsgen 16

Friday 8 January 2010 12:21

LMFAO dude you sooooo deserves that! how hard is it to know who your txting

VittiChan 2

Friday 8 January 2010 12:26

umm itsgen it can b kinda hard sometimes coz some phones have like the iPhone have conversations and u can easily get the wrong one. X3

DeadPixel4 29

Monday 12 January 2015 14:59

ENGLISH MOTHEFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?

happyhak 5

Friday 8 January 2010 12:33

itsgen, this "dude" is a girl???

itsgen 16

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:15

yeaa i know whats the big deal plenty of people call girls dude all of my friends do that at my school

UnluckyDom 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 4:40

YDI. Are you 3 or something?

perdix 29

Friday 8 January 2010 13:40

Vigorous anal sex can do that. According to "Bad Santa," you won't shit right for a month! And if you can't trust Billy Bob Thornton, who can you trust?