Kids: Scary daddy

Scary daddy

By and not even in the good way - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 152

You deserved it 20 309

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Top comments

EverestMelting 23

Monday 31 March 2014 1:46

The fun dads are always the ones who get in trouble. I support your efforts, just not the outcome. Good luck OP.

mwhpug 4

Monday 31 March 2014 2:12

My daughter's crying and my wife will be home any minute, I'm screwed! Quick, let me post this to FML!

Comments

SMDhaterzFML 2

Monday 7 April 2014 13:58

maybe you should get off FML and help your daughter?

JacobFrench 16

Tuesday 10 June 2014 2:12

She needs to stop being such a baby (unless she's four or under)

Lancelot13_fml 9

Monday 26 October 2015 23:20

and then you had time to update your FML.

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Smells Awkward Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Anniversary Boredom Ironic Abuse Intimacy Drunk Transportation AITA Alcohol Am I overreacting? Kids Parents Gun control

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 084

You deserved it 410

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 2 120

The Top

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 379

You deserved it 3 715

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 978

You deserved it 3 121

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 457

You deserved it 520

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 8 327

Today, after a year and a half of overexploitation at work without getting paid for it, I can finally have a deserved vacation. Why? I caught Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 151

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 468

You deserved it 34 070