Work, Covid, Capitalism and Coronavirus: Seize the means of production

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 129

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Same thing different taste

Big boss man

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 254

Herman Cain Award incoming

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 17:01

Today, my coworker has Covid symptoms but refuses to get tested. I told her she should get tested but she refused. I told our boss she has symptoms, so then he told her to get tested and now she’s giving me the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 371

Wage slavery

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 10:59

Today, my coworker tested positive for Covid. Here's to working 11 hours shifts for the next 10 days to help cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 118

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

By Davey Crocker - 23/04/2020 08:00

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 216

Seize the day

By Nick - 06/08/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 200

You deserved it 3 589

Bad timing

By Bogrbon - 30/06/2022 04:00

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 158

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 476

Unwarranted

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 01:59 - Germany - Norden

Today, I'm the only person in my company with almost zero chance of contracting COVID, because I literally have no social life. I'm also the only employee who has to get a COVID test every single day. Yay logic! FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 392

Stranded

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 170

Germaphobe

By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 135

You deserved it 3 802

RichardPencil 30

Friday 11 September 2020 10:04

Meet with the employees via Zoom. You're welcome.

ajh1800 25

Friday 11 September 2020 14:00

A lot of places have free Covid testing, and like someone else said, there's always Zoom.

Comments

ojoRojo 27

Friday 11 September 2020 8:39

Ummm nope.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 11 September 2020 10:04

Meet with the employees via Zoom. You're welcome.

ajh1800 25

Friday 11 September 2020 14:00

A lot of places have free Covid testing, and like someone else said, there's always Zoom.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 12 September 2020 6:31

I have a name!

genuinegoodguy 9

Friday 11 September 2020 22:54

Not exactly the sharpest knife in the box is he?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 3 784

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

The Top

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 12 607

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 980

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 241

You deserved it 22 776

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 225

You deserved it 76 118

Today, I was finally forced to accept that after an almost 16 year relationship and 14 year marriage, it's pretty much over. After begging and pleading with her for the last few years to show any love and affection, she still refuses entirely. I'm only here for the kids now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 121

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 216

You deserved it 42 494

Same thing different taste

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