Health, Food and Gross: Self sabotage

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 169

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 369

You deserved it 9 332

By failureatlife - 27/04/2014 19:16 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 354

You deserved it 6 189

That homely smell

By Bottomless_Pit_for_the_NOMS - 23/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Miami

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 367

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 151

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 16:00

Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 204

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 907

You deserved it 2 835

Meandering

By Kate & Nate - 29/11/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried a new recipe for dinner. However, the recipe was written by someone with a penchant for overly dramatic storytelling. I spent the entire evening deciphering the narrative while desperately trying to salvage a dish that ultimately tasted like disappointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 323

You deserved it 822

Dinnertime

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 565

Yudith 24

Monday 28 August 2023 18:28

You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 August 2023 6:31

Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.

Comments

Nieko 11

Monday 28 August 2023 5:52

Sounds tasty. I wanna try this today, can you give me the recipe?

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 August 2023 6:31

Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.

Yudith 24

Monday 28 August 2023 18:28

You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.

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The Top

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 372

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 705

The Top

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 2 957

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 30 571

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 666

You deserved it 35 463

Poor lad.

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 88

Today, I had surgery done to fix an ingrown toenail. When the doctor started cutting the nail, my toe wasn't entirely numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 902

You deserved it 1 430

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 811

You deserved it 2 741