Sex and Intimacy: Sexy talk

Sexy talk

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting in the mood. I got on top of him, leaned down to kiss him, and he began to laugh. Puzzled, I asked him why. He told me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I reminded him of a cow, with "udders." Offended, I went to get off him. "No no!" he protested, "a SEXY cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 793

You deserved it 5 444

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Same thing different taste

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 433

You deserved it 1 416

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 1 789

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 553

You deserved it 1 519

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 10 324

By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 704

You deserved it 6 087

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 10 196

By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 146

You deserved it 9 449

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 5 188

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 970

You deserved it 12 729

thequickredofox 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:44

The correct reaction should have been "Offended, I got off, looked at his penis and laughed. When he asked why I told him it reminded me of an inchworm, a SEXY inchworm".

startafire 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:17

Guess he wasn't planning on continuing to get laid.

Comments

Zic_fml 7

Monday 31 August 2009 9:39

YDI for not being able to recognise a joke when it hits your face.

kirstensmook 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:46

agreed

AmberBri 8

Thursday 14 July 2011 12:56

or udders.

imlovingmylife 8

Monday 14 September 2015 14:49

Oh okay. So you're telling me if a woman laughed at your dick and compared it to a baby worm, you'd take the joke? I think jokes are supposed to be funny but I guess you don't.

thequickredofox 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:44

The correct reaction should have been "Offended, I got off, looked at his penis and laughed. When he asked why I told him it reminded me of an inchworm, a SEXY inchworm".

kirstensmook 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:51

ahahhahahhahahha

Moemoemoe_fml 0

Monday 31 August 2009 10:29

Win! XD

fatty_mcfathead 0

Saturday 17 March 2012 22:31

Lol.... Awesome!

ApocaClips 5

Sunday 25 December 2016 21:23

that would really only work if he had a small penis

fan_of_fans 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:49

Clearly he was having issues because all the blood that SHOULD have been in his brain was elsewhere... But yes, lighten up slightly otherwise sex will never be any fun.