Sex and Intimacy: Sexy talk

Sexy talk

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting in the mood. I got on top of him, leaned down to kiss him, and he began to laugh. Puzzled, I asked him why. He told me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I reminded him of a cow, with "udders." Offended, I went to get off him. "No no!" he protested, "a SEXY cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 793

You deserved it 5 444

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Same thing different taste

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 433

You deserved it 1 416

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 1 789

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 553

You deserved it 1 519

WTF dude?

By Bug5992 - 09/12/2012 22:46 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 10 324

By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 704

You deserved it 6 087

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 10 196

By nemo518 - 23/12/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 146

You deserved it 9 449

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 5 188

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 970

You deserved it 12 729

thequickredofox 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:44

The correct reaction should have been "Offended, I got off, looked at his penis and laughed. When he asked why I told him it reminded me of an inchworm, a SEXY inchworm".

startafire 0

Monday 31 August 2009 9:17

Guess he wasn't planning on continuing to get laid.

Comments

QuentinM95 0

Tuesday 1 September 2009 4:12

unintentional insult win

cmac86 23

Tuesday 1 September 2009 5:57

classy

feed_the_ducks 0

Tuesday 1 September 2009 18:54

I agree with lollipop and PerryDelicious. Haha he thought calling you a SEXY cow would make it better haha.

pmcizhere 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 3:20

Heh women have breasts, as do any mammal. So they're technically udders, sure. But anyway I guess you have big ones huh? Yeah that's a dumb boyfriend.

FuckUpXNote 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 5:33

Cows and be sexy too? HA. wow I would hurt him.

BratscheBeast 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:04

Hahahahaha. I'm sorry, but I think you're overreacting. It doesn't mean he thinks you're fat, or that he's sexually attracted to cows. It means that he thinks your boobs look like udders when you're leaning over him. Which they probably do.