Sliced and diced

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 08:01

Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 233

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 565

You deserved it 31 822

It's not you, it's me

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 22:00

Today, after my wife had been bleeding when we have sex, the doctors sent her to hospital. While she was there overnight, I decided to masturbate at home. Turns out it was me. I have blood in my semen and was shooting it into her during sex. Glad she’s OK, but what the hell is wrong with my balls? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 171

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 614

You deserved it 882

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 62 530

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 971

You deserved it 254

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 364

You deserved it 2 906

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 168

You deserved it 8 240

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 011

You deserved it 1 790

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

By Sherlock - 03/02/2010 16:02 - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches on his chin. He did great; I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 532

You deserved it 7 344

LauraLaik 15

Monday 14 September 2020 9:18

Always lock the door when you’re doing stuff you don’t want other people to see, especially children.

Billy Skidrow 2

Monday 14 September 2020 9:17

what kind of person actually thinks anyone could deserve that...... I dont get it

Comments

Aadil Syed 11

Monday 14 September 2020 9:11

My PP just retracted at the thought of that.

Billy Skidrow 2

Monday 14 September 2020 9:17

what kind of person actually thinks anyone could deserve that...... I dont get it

Sherry_Cherry_ 2

Monday 14 September 2020 20:22

Actually he had to lock the door. What if the little kid was afraid at night and needed his mum to calm down but then got traumatized by what he just saw?

kfchicken 31

Tuesday 15 September 2020 6:24

people who know what a door lock is

Lydmyers 9

Tuesday 15 September 2020 9:58

I agree with you 100%

LauraLaik 15

Monday 14 September 2020 9:18

Always lock the door when you’re doing stuff you don’t want other people to see, especially children.

jfigley 5

Monday 14 September 2020 21:39

Sorry but thats ******* hilarious!! Sucks that your dick took the punishment but thats a chuckle. You do realize there's an invention called a "lock" on your door? That would have been the first thing I did. Now it sounds like you won't get a BJ or sex for at least another couple weeks....

Lydmyers 9

Tuesday 15 September 2020 9:57

I have kids.. so i understand how much of a knack they always seem to have when it comes to timing. I feel sorry for the both of you, and I hope you both feel much better now. Such naughty kids! I would have smacked their butts for getting out of bed when they should have been asleep and for barging in when I'm sure they would have been taught to knock.

julfunky 29

Saturday 19 September 2020 21:08

You’re absolutely right. When you have kids you know just how inconvenient their timing always seems to be. That just makes this more of a YDI situation. Kids are known for this shit. LOCK YOUR DOOR. Side note: he doesn’t actually deserve to get his penis mauled. But this whole thing could have been avoided with common sense.