I have a younger brother pretty deep on the spectrum, it can be REALLY tough especially at younger ages. For someone to decide not to have a child with a high chance of being on the spectrum, I can fully understand this. I don't call that ableism, I call it understanding you limitations as a parent. Given the high chance of being unable to handle it and causing long term issues for both the parent and child. The "shame" part though is pretty gross though, there is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum or having a child on the spectrum. the "shame" comment would be the deal breaker to me, she could have gone for adoption without that comment.

I don't see why it's shameful to raise an autistic child -- it's certainly difficult. If she said she lacked the courage to raise an autistic child, you'd probably be more sympathetic.