Too much of a good thing - FML

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 23:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 1 627

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 05:24 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 620

You deserved it 3 311

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 164

Infantilizing

By this is why! - 30/10/2021 18:00 - United States

Today, my wife is angry with me for lying to her and “treating her like a child”. Knowing how long it takes her to get ready, I told her an event we were attending started an hour and a half before it really did. Even with the extra time, we barely made it. She still thinks I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 116

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready." He then looked at me and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 928

You deserved it 7 735

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 00:02

Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 179

Whatthefuckaburger

By r u kidding me? - 09/06/2020 20:00

Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 876

You deserved it 332

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 209

By MandMandM - 19/07/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 554

You deserved it 6 171

Gripes and strife

By Jordan - 20/03/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend was griping to me about being late for work. When I pointed out that she wouldn’t be late if she didn’t rely on someone else for a ride, she bitched me out about being “unsympathetic.” Did I mention she refused to learn to drive? FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 194

Short nap

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 118

Next

Top comments

lovelyhippos 15

Thursday 21 May 2020 23:59

I think you're confused about what a quickie is. Most sex doesn't even last 45 min.

theyellowgoose 3

Friday 22 May 2020 1:07

it's called a quickie for a reason...

Comments

lovelyhippos 15

Thursday 21 May 2020 23:59

I think you're confused about what a quickie is. Most sex doesn't even last 45 min.

Isaac Shields 9

Saturday 23 May 2020 20:11

not true I get the same complaint from my wife

AmbrosiaFan 18

Friday 22 May 2020 1:06

quickie means it doesn't take long... so yeah I agree with her.

theyellowgoose 3

Friday 22 May 2020 1:07

it's called a quickie for a reason...

guitarherogeek 22

Friday 22 May 2020 1:23

It’s a quickie!? YDI

Xatraris 38

Friday 22 May 2020 3:11

Lol, I always got the same complaint. So make it like 5, might not get off but enjoy only a few minutes of fun. Then when you get a lot more time alone take as long as you both need.

7and7is 20

Friday 22 May 2020 7:27

My make believe girlfriend makes the same complaint. Only she thinks 9 hours is too quick!!! Also my 24” penis is too much.

jriley4u 17

Friday 22 May 2020 7:51

I don’t blame her. Quickies are supposed to be quick.

Baby_123 8

Friday 22 May 2020 17:36

I got the same compliaint about 15 minutes it’s my advice just get her off and find some other way to get release

jfigley 5

Saturday 23 May 2020 17:27

Wait your girl was complaining that it was too long lol?? Normally chick's complaint that the guy can't go more than 5 or 10 mins. Sorry u like to take time myself. Why wrap it up so quick, I like to have a little fun...

Nathan Chew Barker 5

Thursday 28 May 2020 0:33

Because it’s a quickie, not a longy

Isaac Shields 9

Saturday 23 May 2020 20:12

I get the same complaint from my wife especially when she's giving me a bj so she thinks she's doing it wrong even though she's not so I feel your pain

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 55 588

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 642

You deserved it 7 139

The Top

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 707

You deserved it 6 548

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 932

You deserved it 5 297

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 768

You deserved it 4 600

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 270

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 945

You deserved it 5 555