Parenting, Relatable, Awkward and Kids: Straight to jail

Straight to jail

By anon - 15/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 000

You deserved it 70 970

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Same thing different taste

Stranger danger!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 709

You deserved it 52 166

You people are twisted!

By pledonasm - 15/03/2015 16:11 - India - Thane

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 2 273

By lilmamma - 05/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 50 407

The Headmaster Ritual

By angry mama - 21/09/2019 00:01

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 158

You deserved it 9 110

By WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM - 18/11/2012 21:22 - United States - Endicott

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 1 927

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 293

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 269

You deserved it 3 790

By BaWanda - 30/06/2014 23:39 - United States - San Diego

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 548

You deserved it 48 209

Bounce off

By clumsy girl - 25/09/2023 12:30 - United States - Austin

Today, I embraced my inner child and went to a trampoline park with friends. I was having a blast until I attempted a somersault and ended up bouncing right into a group of screaming toddlers. I was escorted out by a concerned parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 745

jellybeans4833 7

Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

you can't tell the difference between your own child? Sad.

allitaylor 4

Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

bet her parents loved you for that..

Comments

KLuff 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:13

Hahahaha. This would make the best commercial for contacts or glasses.

barretke 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:16

honest mistake. least u didnt him home

xPhoBiuHzZz 1

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:45

Pedomomthatsnotyourmom.

283leis 8

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:07

#150 does kinda have a point. After all. when i read this i pictured dome person taking some random kid off the monkey bars from the back.

jmonk 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:43

what an idiot u don't know how your child looks like?

catiebug_19 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:02

I could only imagine the look on the real parents face.

simon_lala 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:16

I think you knew it wasn't your kid you just wanted to kidnap them. admit it.

Irishxoxo 2

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:24

How the hell do you screw that one up?!

qtns0cal 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 10:17

how is that even possible? you don't recognize your own kid????? something is wrong with this picture!!!!!

stuart169 3

Saturday 16 July 2011 10:20

That's dirtier than my browsing history

Keywords

Animals Cats Christmas Health Embarrassing Work Awkward Love Boredom Anniversary Ironic Intimacy Abuse Drunk Transportation Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Gun control Kids Parents Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Miscellaneous Food Delivery Family

The Top

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 1 025

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about LGBT rights, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grandkids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 059

You deserved it 5 241

The Top

Today, while at work being a waitress, this lady came in and requested to sit in the section I was waitressing. She held up a $100 bill and told me that if I was attentive to her needs, she would leave me a $100 tip. Excited, I waited on her hand and foot. She dined and dashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 144

You deserved it 5 543

Today, my cousin tried to hit on me. I told him that was inappropriate and pushed him off me. He was offended when I went to tell my folks. All they said was, “That’s fine. You should’ve let him.” Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 107

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 889

You deserved it 5 684

Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 435

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 234

You deserved it 13 446

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 501

You deserved it 4 260